5-27-2013

Shane and Troy Return from Meteor Crater / Almost a 4 hour show!
All right, well this is a continuation. We just finished our turn to the meteor crater and we are going to go to bear zona and do a drive thru of the wildlife preserve there. Where the bears actually come up to the car. The wolves circle around you. They say you can’t roll your windows down. The holes might jump in the car with you. Shane’s daring me to open the door. Okay, just a little bit, roll the window down. Stick your hand down. There good to get that rock. Nice. There we were just talking. We got in the car forgot to turn the recorder back on. We were just talking about Battlestar Galactica, the original a real Battlestar Galactica, that that girl Starbucks Shane? O’Neill played it who never went topless. Yeah. So what’s the point? Yeah. Because you’re just talking about counted. Oh, yeah. So there was that there was a two part called the War of the gods. And it’s one where who had those white lights that came up from behind the Vipers. Anyway, so, Kevin nibbly they find it ugly it has crashed ship on this planet. And he tells them they can’t go down there because the radiation levels and then he takes him back they take him back to the Galactica and he fucks with them and you know that whole bit and then they get they come back to they come back to the ship and try to find out who countably is. And so Starbuck and Apollo go and find they go down to the ship and the radiation levels are normal or whatever. So they go down there and Sheba shows up. And you know, he liked and enslave her and transport or something was banging her. That was the other thing too, is I guess the two of them had a much more lofty relationship before they cut the trim. A little bit. Yeah, there was more racy, but Yeah, hurry. I guess it is 75 now. Yeah, so anyway, so they get down to the plan and they get to the wreck ship. And they look inside. And they’re like, oh my god and then she shows up and like don’t go in there. You know, you don’t want to see what’s in there so you know what’s in there. And Apollo’s like no, no, no, she needs to see it maybe this little, you know, and then and then Emily shows up and tells her that he she can’t go in there and he straight throws the striker down. she kills Apollo instead. But I want to know what the fuck was in the ship. They never they didn’t show you. And apparently they did. They did have the interior shot or they have the set for it. And apparently was like, like demon amps with cloven hooves. Absolutely. And they’re like, you know what, we can’t show that. There’s too much. It’s Nike 78. It’s a family time slot. We’re not going to show them a bunch of dead fucking demons rolling around the bottom of a horror for that. Yeah. Let us see Amityville for that. But yeah, so there’s apparently a chunk of script. But I looked up one time and it said it actually described what Apollo saw. I’d be cool with that. Because I want I want, you know, somebody’s got a picture of that or something. I see that. That’d be cool. And it would be cool to have a picture of a set, you know, be able to have that. That’s crazy. I always thought that was fun, though. I thought that was cool when they came back to the white uniforms. Right, right. That was as bad as I thought that was so cool, to just show that they’ve been touched and there’s some sort of, you know, otherworldly sort of experience that happened there. Yeah. So Great show, you know, man. And so much of the stuff that was on there is like, it’s in that view. It’s available now. You’re like a download type talking into the recorder and like to Prince’s words on the screen. We do that every day. We did that, like five minutes ago. It’s common now. Yeah, that’s like I don’t even remember voice recognition being such a big deal at one point. And it’s what’s great is it’s still not perfect. I mean, we’re literally what was that? 7778 let’s give it the benefit of the doubt. See, it was 1980 you’re talking 35 years and we still can’t do it right now. Adamas still works better than ours. It was flawless for him and just dropped off and picked up with words. Yeah. We’ve been on this voyage for 20 years boss Adama clears his throat Yeah, that was good. Yeah Lobel Patrick nia. Maggie’s might be some of my favorite characters. I was talking to Justin, when we were still we used to work for clicker court when we both worked for Gartner. We were running all these interviews, we’re constantly running interviews, and we were talking about Battlestar at lunchtime. And I said, Listen, here’s I would pay good money because we’ve been interviewing for fucking year. So sick of doing interviews. And I said, You know what, I would pay cash money for someone to stride in in a full count ably outfit. And sit down at the sit down at the table with his hands folded and tell us that if we you know, didn’t hire him, we keep forfeit our lives. ever make the mistake of challenging me again? like asking interview questions like something complicated they visit? No. Right? Right. Inner Join and SQL. Don’t ever make the mistake challenging me again. Dude, I would have hired him on the spot he was in the elite outfit I’d be like I look over my boss like Dude, hire him. Bar off the mark. Can you really be Oh yeah, listen, listen, if he comes in Italy outfit you got a winner you got a winner. This guy is top notch because you have serious balls coming in account if the level of boldness man that we’re gonna drive over to Arizona, we’re just a few miles outside of Flagstaff. Yeah, last time we came up here when my wife and I came up. It was storming I mean like buckets of water storms, flash floods, flash floods sort of storm and we’re like going dude, they’re not going to Let it sit. Because it’s like a weather dependent sort of yard. It’s like if it’s still raining they’re not gonna let us say three hours raining we’ll shut something down. Oh yeah, right here everything shuts everything down Seattle if you get too sunny of a day it is too hot or too hot. Too much sunshine. We’re over capacity. Yeah. I miss movies from Joe Dirt right there. Oh, yeah. That’s very similar. Joe Dirt. Was that Kid Rock that was in that? Yeah, it was really good in that. Yes. Yeah, I’m surprised he didn’t show up in more movies after that. Yeah, good job. Good job. Nothing beats Chris for walking in that movie. You’re talking to my man all wrong. Get out of here before I put us soldering iron in your eye. Guys, the greatest man just adds that element to anything. No, it wasn’t me it was it was dirt. It was Joe Dirt. He saved the kids job. I wish I could do it Christopher Walken many Can we see in Last Man Standing that that a Bruce Willis movie? You remember that movie? I’ve got it, but I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen it. It’s ever seen that one. It’s kind of weird. I don’t think I’ve seen it. It’s on the same disk as last last Boystown was one of my favorite movies. Yeah, that movie was good. But the last man standing it’s kind of weird. It’s one of those movies where you don’t have many characters. There’s no there’s no like, there’s no you don’t feel you’re not in this large setting where there’s all these people that no standards or anything like that. It’s just like almost like a stage performance. We have a limited number of cast members. a tombstone or without the city folk. What’s the other movie that’s like that? It’s weird. It’s really violent. It’s really awesome. I think you’d like it. Yeah. Man Standing is a good movie. You should see it. We’ll try. And I vaguely remembered Christopher Walken being in that movie was like one of the badass gunslingers like an old west town but they’re all Chicago mob mob guys. Does he kill everybody? No. Yeah, yeah, he kills everybody. But yeah, there’s like two mob bosses in the chat. It’s good. attitude. Sexy Mexican babe tied up in the back. Yeah, that’s such a great era of movies man like rod do It’s one of my favorite movies and nobody knows it though. It’s such a classic, classic script. So great. Yeah, that was the movie that I had a guy on my son. His whole his whole goal in life. Other than being a lifetime dog for the Navy. His goal was to accurately have confirmed kill counts in every movie that he could lay his hands on. So he’s in the movie be playing even have his little notebook out. Are you making hash tags you know, hash marks for every every Kill Confirmed kill. He had a great set of rules behind what was the confirmed kill. You couldn’t have a shot and they just go down behind the bush. Yeah, you don’t know if he’s dead. Confirm kill no possible way. It might be different kill confirm kill something guys had explodes and you’re pretty much a bullet to the head the I think he counted head shots, head shots were good, but he was very specific about it. And so I asked him one time I said what movie has the most confirmed kills in it? Well so far anyway, and he gave me the name of some movie and I didn’t know what it was I hadn’t seen it. And I said, Well, what about some ones with some I don’t know what the weirdest kills or something like that. And he says, I’ll give you one he says. He says the movie there’s a movie with the most number of kills before the opening credits. That was raw deal. Oh. Nine confirmed kills before the opening credits. It’s like you’re passionate man. little weird but passionate. Good friend. Yeah, everybody needs a hobby. It could be worse. But yeah, you could be doing it as research. Yeah, right. out the middle of nowhere is that the Joshua Tree? Looks like one. Look at that. There’s a big fucking dead animal on the side of the road. Yeah, big ol hell. No crows yet. Yeah. Randall Flagg hasn’t shown up yet. You hit a deer and you have a chance you hit it in one of those elk like that your heart is gonna explode. You’re dead. The Elks in the seat with you. Yeah, everyone dies. Everyone dies. That clip the deer one time Did you really? Yeah, we was. I just got out of the Navy and We were we had been moved to Norco and all of our families were still in another location. And so me and this other guy got processed out at the same time. So I said, Dude, why? Let’s just rent a car and we’ll drive back You and me. And he’s like, cool, we’ll do it. So we rented a car now and for one time in my life I made the right decision and took the insurance because you know how it is I got no no insurance, no insurance. Yeah. So we’re driving along and you know, it’s the middle of the fucking night we got out of we didn’t get out of the off the boat all signed up, because you had to get like 900 signatures before you were done. Yeah. And we just got done. We got off the boat. We managed to just barely make the rental car cut off. So we’re talking 678 o’clock at night. We got on the road and we’re just gonna drive straight through. Well, first we went back to our barracks, tore up as many pieces of uniforms we could we burned a shirt? Get rid of all of our hats? No, we were we were very happy to be out. And so we got in the car we packed them as much of our shit as we could. And we start driving so it’s like one two o’clock in the morning I think I was on shift driving. And I was kind of glazed over I wasn’t asleep at the wheel but I was plays you know where you’re just you’re on pure autopilot on the night. You’re in the middle. He’s sleeping in the in your seat in the passenger seat. And out of nowhere, all I see the mass of a deer. That’s all I see is it’s like over to the right hand side. And I just fucking hit the gas of the deer. You should have seen my friend popped up out of his fucking chair. Holy hell hit on his side, his side so he had a really good jolt. As for everyone, oh yeah. And it’s like that. I mean, we were both just stunned and I was still driving on autopilot. I didn’t pull over and said, What the fuck was that? I’m like, dude, I think we just hit a deer. I said, so. What do we do? He’s like, what’s the car? Okay. I don’t know. It’s still rolling. We’re still rolling. I think the lights out though. I think it took out the headlight. He’s like, dude, I don’t know just just just keep driving. What are you gonna do go back? Right I mean, so I didn’t know I mean, dude, I was like fucking 22 years old or something. I know. You’re looking at magic. snapping slick like on what’s her face? Did Gina Davis did pretty good reference right? I just came up with that one only Gina Davis good snapper. Yeah, man. It’s like, you know we finally when we stopped for gas sort of went out looking To the damage if it was bad but not you know, obviously it didn’t stop the vehicle. That’s lucky too because it’s still drive a hole. Yeah, it really sucks to have that kind of stuff in the middle of the night. You’re trying to get somewhere to in the morning Yeah, there was I remember my trip from I was going from Groton, Connecticut to, I guess Charleston. That’s driving random. It was Florida. Yeah, it was Florida. The Groton that’s completely opposite. Yeah, well, I made both trips. Yeah. So was from Florida from Orlando. To Yeah, it’s a grand Connecticut where I was going to go to sub school and stuff. So I got in my little Ford XP. Piece of shit. Extremely extra piece of shit. That’s what he says here So I was making the drive and all of a sudden I got a high temperature light, right? So I immediately pull over a check the radiator, and it’s empty. So fortunately I was nearby somewhere so I got a bunch of water filled it up. I kept right. And then I say then after about 40 minutes, I started seeing the temperature gauge start rising. Right so I pulled back over I had extra water this time. Yeah, I filled it again. Stopped got more water. So basically, I ended up having like, 30 gallons of water and stuff in the backseat of the car. Every 40 minutes. I’d have to stop the car. Get out and fill the radiator. And you know, listen, I’m like fucking 19 years old dude. I know nothing about nothing. Oh, yo, yo, is uh, keeps drinking the water. You know, and I think I mean there’s a leak somewhere. I knew that much. Okay, there’s a leak. As long as I keep fluid in it, we’re good. So as soon as I see the temperature start going up, I pull over example water. I was getting 40 minutes at a time. It was like a 12 hour drive. Or whatever. 15 times. Yeah. You know, I’d be done. I get up there and I’d worry about it that well, the car had a couple of different problems with it as well. Just before I started driving, yeah. One It was one of those cars that if you didn’t have just a little bit of foot on the accelerator, it would die sometime. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that same you know. So, the, and that’s fine. You just restart the car. It’s no big deal. So when I pull over the car would die on its own. Basically, I fill it up, I get back in restart the car and go. I also had the problem of a sticking starter. It would keep turning over. Well, no, it was quite quick. I could put and then like like on the fourth or fifth try it would like turn over and start Yeah. But it started getting progressively worse. So at first I’d be like, well the car Um, okay, you’re starting then the next time maybe like three or four clicks in five or six clicks. And I’m like, this is not good. This and I, but I can I couldn’t leave the car running to fill with water because it wouldn’t stay running. Yep. So I’m like, Okay, I’m on a fucking race of death here. Is a starter gonna go before I get to the location, and why not burn the fucking car? The starter gave out in Chester, Pennsylvania. just completely just there was nothing I could do dead Dead, dead dead. It would not even turn over. I mean, and then the battery went dead from trying to start. Yeah, because eventually it goes dead. A lot of people don’t know that. Yeah. So I thought I’m stranded. Now here’s the funniest hell part of it. I’m on the road side of the freeway. I am in eyesight of a Ford dealership. Is that even fucking possible? That’s awesome. Right? But it’s the middle of the night. So the closed Yeah. So I was actually all my shit in the car and now this I mean I had a lot of shit computers and you know I my computer I cry all that shit I did not want to leave it so I walked and of course there was no way to cut straight over it of course, you know it had fences and all that shit. I don’t think I’ve actually told the story on the show. That’s good. So anyway, so I walked to the off ramp, I walk around, I get over to the Ford dealership, of course they’re closed. I thought maybe they had a 24 Hour Emergency thing you know. So they say if you’re leaving the car, put your keys in this envelope and drop it in and we’ll look at the car at first you know as soon as somebody gets here. So I wrote a note and said, You know my cars that look over your right shoulder Look on the freeway that dead cars mine. Yeah, basically somebody pulled off the shoulder for freeway. Yes, pull off the shoulder of the freeway. Okay, so like, like, let’s say that if we were pulled over, like, yeah, like right here. The Ford dealership was like that last building. Gotcha. But it was like further in. Yeah. So a lot of fences shame or you couldn’t get over. So I had to go all the way to the next off ramp, right. So I say Listen, you know, here, I left the keys. Here’s where the car is. You know, please look at it. I’m gonna go try to find someplace to stay. I mean, no cell phones. Right? You know? Yep. Nothing didn’t have those back then. And so the only place was this little Bates Motel motherfucking place on the other side of the freeway. Off the off ramp to the left instead of the right to the hospital thing. That was the only thing Yeah, it was a fucking hospital. Dude. It was the only fucking thing there. Nothing that was it. Okay, this was the scariest fucking night of my life. All right. I checked And literally it’s like allergic motherfucker at the door. Right? I’m scared shitless I’m 19 years old. I know nothing. I have no self confidence. He’s thinking fresh. He’s a fresh meat. And I’m like, Can I have the non killing room please? You know and so, so he fresh out so it gives me the key he gets me I get a room and Dude, I’m 19 I have no fucking money I’m in the military 19 with no fuck I’m barely any money. I essentially gas money and a couple extra bucks I was. So now I have no idea what I’m gonna do about the car but I figured I gotta pack it in for the night and deal with somehow nothing get a couple of McDonald’s cheeseburgers or something like that. You want to pull off? Yeah, there’s a sign that says the next exit. next exit. Just go grab a couple just so that I’m good to go. All right. You don’t want to eat it bears of its price. Yeah. So anyway, so I check in. Okay, first of all, you see no button, but you can hear murmur You hear stuff behind the doors. You’re walking up the fucking the corridor to get to your room. And you know you expect to see some fucking crazy person sitting in a chair whispering to himself, right? I mean, I’ve seen way too many movies people do or even someone’s already in the room or wasn’t in the room the fucking walls gonna slide around here someone’s got to keep the handle, you know rock even though you put the thing on there. I’m like Tom Hanks and big shots going on. And so I’m curled up in the bed like in the fetal position, sleep is not even close to an option. There’s no way I’m going to be sleeping and probably better that you don’t. So, so I’m sitting there and here’s the here’s the funny part about I actually get a sub story out of it. They had HBO What though they had a TV that a TV go go in at HBO? I turned on HBO and I had never seen diehard before. So that’s where I saw diehard for the first time was in fear of my life waiting for someone to bust into the fucking wall scariest shit man about this my pants the whole night. I think two or three times that night you know that’s back when HBO ran like the same five move the same move. Yeah, like five times in a row at night. Yeah, yeah. That’s good stuff. Burger King. I really don’t care at this point now, because I’d probably grab something Burger Burger. It’s a little more like a burger, even though it’s not good. It really isn’t but no Uturn do I try it anyway? taco smell up there too. I gotta remember this for this location a little, a little bit of everything that actually snow on the top of that hill. Yeah, we’re Hi dude rubber flex your car sure what the temperature is outside? No, I get I got that and I no longer have the luxury. Gotcha. All right so we’ll just call it a day. Yeah So anyway, so I made it through the night holding a crucifix most of the night rocking back. Yeah, well, I was in the fetal position too. So I got out of that hotel, I get over there. So you didn’t get raped. I did not get raped. Okay, as far as you know, as far as and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Yeah so so I get over there right and they weren’t they wouldn’t got the car they brought it in it looked it over. That’s awesome I almost thought they would have done it out on the freeway we don’t go to the freeway they wouldn’t got it came back in. And basically the fuel the water pump is completely dis completely dead that’s where it was leaking from was the water pump damage which destroyed more of your engine like the starter? Oh, yeah, well, that the fact that my little water tryst on and off, on and off on and off. Apparently the cylinder heads of the engine were completely warped, which basically meant that to fix the car was worth more than a cost. Yep. So I said okay, I’m gonna have to leave it here because I’ve got 24 hours to get to my duty station or I’m a wall and they come and get me. So I will be in touch. So I had to I had so fun. So what do you want here? Just like a couple cheeseburgers in a little Try Thank you for choosing Burger King. My name is Chris was equated it. Yeah, let me get you do you want to just want regular cheeseburgers? Sorry I was talking to the guy on the car. Upside two, two regular cheeseburgers. Two BK stackers. a smoker. Right? Yes, sir. Okay, I’m a smaller fries. Yeah, that’s it. Okay, just want to compare my two single cheeseburgers. Single stackers. And then once you got five in your total, totally out the window, you have an excellent day. Thanks. No, I don’t want it for us. Yeah. But maybe we’ll swap burger because you have you had a BK stacker so good. Really. They’re like bacon and some sort of the sauce they put on it like 1000 Islands sauce, really good and swap out crisscross Man, a scrapbook I guess. So anyway, so I get back to my duty station I call my parents. And I’m like, What do you think I should be doing here? We’re like, well, how much is it gonna cost to fix the car? And I said, Well, I gave him the number. They’re like, you know what? You’re kind of fucked. Just go buy a new car. And I’m like, okay, so I had to bus it. By the way, that was fun. I had to I had to walk from I think the Ford dealers gave me a ride to the bus station. I had to get a bus to take it up to Groton with all my stuff in the car. Oh, you’re gonna have to come back and deal I had to come back and get my stuff, but at least it was gonna be in some sort of secure yard. Oh, so I thought oh. So anyway, so I’m like, Okay, listen, I said, Guys, I’m gonna come get my stuff out of the car. But I mean, it’s gonna leave the car. You can do whatever the hell you want with it. I’ll get the title sent to you, whatever. There’s nothing I mean I can’t I can’t afford that. So I ended up getting a friend of mine who’s there he had a car. So we drove back down to Chester, Pennsylvania. And I went to the guy went up there. This is like three or four weeks later do before I could get time to go, right. So I get down and I’m thinking my car’s not gonna be there. Something’s gonna be gone. And he has gone 775 is your total. So get down there. Oh, sorry, I was talking to him again. So you’re very attentive. 1225 is your total change? Can we get you any salt, pepper ketchup? Anything for the fries? No, no, thanks. Thanks again, folks. You have a wonderful day. Thank you. Alright, so back to the fun so we drive Back down there. The small boys bumped, they bumped up all the size. The problem with America, this used to be a large I did. So we get back down there and I wish we drove up to the lot. First of all, I had to find a lot that wasn’t as easy as it might seem. I didn’t have Google Maps back then. Right? So we found a lot. We pulled in and there was my car. I’m like, Oh, thank God, it’s still here. You know, because basically, the guys were kind of assholes after I wasn’t going to have it fixed. Yeah, you know, they’re basically like, yeah, you know, we’ll keep it here until the title gets here. But after that, you know, you’re gonna have to complete your ship before then. I was like, dude, I’ll get down Get down here before the title gets down there, I promise. So I get down there. I go to the front desk, I get the keys. And I go up to the car and again, this isn’t a fucking secure lot, dude. It’s a lot with barbed wire fence and shit. I go when I open up my car. At least half my shits. Oh my god you know top of the line JVC forehead VCR no no bunch computer shit fortunately I actually owned all of it so I didn’t have to pay anybody back for having somebody else on stolen from me so yeah, so I got what I mean basically I got close and that’s about it at least they left that that was nice I’m cleaning my clothes you know my uniforms and all that stuff I mean all my stuff was in the car I couldn’t a whole bunch of with me in the bus My God. That’s horrible, dude. Yep. Never thought of it again. Nope, never sign even again had no insurance Of course there’s no way to replace any of it. Yeah, that was just fucked. Oh, so I did call the I did have car insurance, which had theft. I forgot about this piece of the story. It did have like fefe stuff, my theft, some sort of insurance for you know Maybe a little bit of a kicker, a little kicker. I mean, I wouldn’t expect too much. Maybe at least replace that fucking $300 VCR. Uh huh. So I call him up and they’re like, you had a police report? Oh, crap. And I’m like, well, four weeks ago? Oh, no, because I left it at the dealer. It was in a secure line. They’re liable. And it’s like, of course, you know, guess what the dealer told me. They pointed to the sign behind the counter that said we’re not responsible. So I said, Do Jesus little bit yeah. So so they’re like, okay, okay, okay, that’s all right. Yeah happened a while ago, huh? What about forced entry? Crap they had the keys. Like so no forced entry inside job. No police report. I there’s nothing we can do for him. Sorry. Thanks. You weren’t smart enough to say forced entry back window. I was broken. I should have said, Do you know what I was? 19 What do I know? But if people ask you a question when you’re 19 years old, you tell them the truth. The truth is that’s what the truth shall set you free and I’ll let you know no truth fucks you in the ass? That’s what happens. So anyway, well, I didn’t have a police report. So, I figured, you know, they said, Well, if somebody broke into your car, why don’t you have a police report? I didn’t want to look like a tool. You know, I’m saying so poof the method came into that Hmm, nope. Damn it. No car lost all my shit. Welcome to sub school. Well, at least you learn that you need to stretch the truth a little bit with the insurance companies not looking out for you. No, you must lie. You got to give them something to work with. I should have broke the window out. That’s what I’m saying. I’m doing driving around with a broken taillight son. I said you got a broken taillight boy. Like Southern Sheriff man, tear my own car did not have to answer how did you get broken into and it was on a secure life. You know, I mean, it was just it was all just bad shit. Well, and of course to that you could have just said I don’t know. I don’t know. So back here Yeah. I’ve had a lot of good luck. And those kind of journeys are just always fraught with so much turmoil. Why we are this horrid, horrid turn? Yeah. But good memories, good stories at least I’ll tell you another good story. I was up in Portsmouth New Hampshire. And because we’re going to you’re going to change duty stations fairly regularly there’s a pretty decent market for beater used cars. That’s right. The sailors come and go right some of their gear. I’ll sell them a car for 500 bucks and by then they a rendered how by back from 100. It worked out well for them. So I got this monster fucking boat car, dude. It was fucking huge. I mean, you could have had, you could have had like 700 people in there. But it was a piece of shit car. I mean, it barely ran anyway. Yeah. And so I was getting moved to Charleston from there. And I said, there’s no way that’s Carl making the Charleston. Right mark, man. Yeah, I was smart. This time. I was burned fairly recently. So I said it’s not gonna it’s not gonna happen. I couldn’t get it sold. I couldn’t sell it. I mean, for some reason whether the fact was a piece of shit I just couldn’t get it sold and I had to leave. I had to leave. I mean, there was nothing. You got to go. So, I literally drove it to some street and abandoned it. Uh huh. Right, what else do you do? So I cleaned everything out of the glove box. I mean, I took everything out. I mean, the VIN numbers obviously gonna get traced back at some point, I guess. But yeah. So. So I’ve moved on, right. I’m down in Charleston, blah, blah, blah. And eight, nine months later, I get a call. Yes, Dick’s towing. Oh, we got your car here. I’m like, the fuck you talking about? I don’t know the car. I don’t have any car. Yeah, the white Chrysler lebaron or whatever the fuck it was. And I’m like, I’m like, Okay, so I’m still not really good at lying yet. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I’m like, Oh, yeah, okay, what about it? Can we get your truck? Like, dude, you did you see the area code you down? I’m in Charleston. He’s like, I gotta do something with it. It’s been here racking up storage fees for the last eight months. Oh, and I’m like, Are you fucking kidding me this cars like a $300 car? And he’s like, and I’m like, What exactly are we talking about here? And he’s like, $6,000 I’m like, 20 fucking years old. At some fucking Vic’s towing says that I owe him six grand for storing this piece of shit car. And I said, I think you’re fucked because I don’t have $6,000. And I’m like, I don’t even know what to tell you. You know, because being in debt doesn’t mean when you’re in the military, if you’re in debt that can like get you in trouble. Yeah, you know, when you So like, I don’t know what to do. I mean, maybe I could send you some payments or something where you got to come get the car. And I’m like, Charles, I’m 20 years old, I’m in a fucking, I’m on it. I’m on a sub base and I can’t get up, throw it away. I just get rid of it. And he says, Please just send us the title. And I’m like, the only way to believe it. Right? So I sent you the title and I don’t know you any money and you get the car. Everything’s good. He’s like, yeah, I’m like, Don’t give me the address. I sent him the title. Done. Dice out that story and perhaps more or less happy ending, but I’ll tell you what, it took me a week to pull the underwear on my ass for me so clenched up in there for storing a car. Again, that’s another Joe Dirt story. It is the same story. You live the life of Joe Terry. Wait a minute. lifted that for me goddamnit everyone steals from me. Just send me the fucking royalty check I don’t need to credit Just give me the money I’ve been in Redbox haven’t seen a dime tempered Christopher Walken you’ll get it at a hot for you that’s true that’s it It wasn’t a car worth having that’s true that’s good stuff oh my god oh man too many too many of those kind of just cataclysmic stories I’m glad I never really did the full on military experience I told many stories on this show. But some I think I managed to miss both of those. Yeah, crazy shit. So we’re about looks like about 15 minutes till Arizona. Maybe a little less. It’s pretty quick. Yes. Far like I said now we’re admits trees gets weird right we go home nice, but go from the arid desert to actually something that’s almost a little Washingtonian trees and mountains. Eastern Washington Eastern. Yeah, in fact it looks a lot like Eastern Washington. Like the basin areas. Yeah desert part of it. Like Yakima is more desolate than this, is it? Yeah. I live that I live there and I don’t live in the Yakima like once or twice. It’s a pretty desolate area. It’s mostly scrub brush and that rock that shale rock that sticks out of the ground from some sort of prehistoric volcanic eruptions. Nice. No trees. This is a this is a forest over here on the right. Yeah, look at that. That’s literally a forest. Yeah. That was a lot that’s a lot nicer than pouring through that rain. Take one of these stackers. Yeah take a stacker try. I think you’ll be pleased. No one gets on there. Nothing just be Jesus sauce. assassin. Like burgers like I like my women. Sausage, cheese areas burger The sad part is those that usually don’t get the sauce all around the lulla burger. So lucky, like you get to the inside and then you finally get the sauce. Yeah, yeah, it’s a gimme you guys. Well, you know, you’ve made 1000 of these sorts of grinds. Where did the metal and you’re done and move on to the next? I always tried to do a nice clean circle spiral. Which you know, is dedicated to my job. You feel like? That’s right. That’s right. I have a long history of fast food again. Why did we work it the same way we work in every single place? Did you ever work in McDonald’s? McDonald’s? Yeah, you did. You didn’t work there. I worked there for two weeks. I did. I worked there two weeks before I went to the Navy. Oh, did you? I told the guy I think his name was Robert or something guy. Glasses tall, thin guy. Okay. I don’t know why I remember him. Yeah. I told him. I said, Listen, I got two weeks to let go and I’ll work hard for it. But then I’m going to be here two weeks. He’s like, cool. Bye. For two weeks and then just quit. I worked at Taco Bell for about two days and quit. Oh, it’s never showed back. I was very irresponsible of me. But what a nightmare. That was the worst place. We worked everywhere. And that was the single worst place to work. And McDonald’s was the worst as far as I was concerned. Never did talk about really McDonald’s was bad for you where it wasn’t a McDonald’s that you work was so damn busy. Oh, yeah, but I like fries when my fries, fries. I like a little bit more variety in my day. Yeah, I think I worked a little bit of a Gestapo sort of feel around. Oh, yeah. It’s too rigid. It was to like, try come over here and stand here. Okay, now you can walk by with the dishes. It’s like they had like a two day training video seminar thing you had to sit through. And I’m like, dude, I’m going to be every two weeks. I mean, oh my god. Yeah, to get your sanity. The handlers license and all this. Like, dude, I’ve never had to do this for any other place I worked. The hell, it’s good to have standards but Dude, I remember they brought out this new employee booklet. It was like a three inch binder. And it’s like you’re gonna have to go through read all these and sign you know, every fourth page of a dude not worth like buying a house or working for fucking McDonald’s. Question is, am I on the clock while I’m doing Oh, yeah, it was fully paid. Yeah. I’ll sit and watch your fucking movies all day long. No problem. That’s where I learned the cheese on 13 secret. Lisa talks about Believe it or not. being open to the concept of owning fast food restaurants. What? I know I know you are I think it comes from remember that there was that movie with that black kid he gets rescued out of the projects and he becomes a superstar football player. Um, no, it was a Sandra Bullock. She was blonde. Anyway, I didn’t see the movie either. Not really probably are kind of a movie, but they were moguls in there. And they own fast food restaurants and I think she just liked the idea of their lifestyle. I think of that McDougall’s guy from coming to America I think she’s talked about wanting like a taco bell franchise. Why Taco Bell I don’t know it’s it’s one of those like I don’t know white where she came up with that but weird stuff is weird dude. But I thought Stranger things have happened. I don’t think I’ve always heard that it takes quite a bit of money to start something like that out. I think they sell your franchise but you got to have money in the bank. You have all the build costs, everything has to be financed or paid for. I think you’d get into it. 100 hundred and 50 pretty easy. I seem to remember when I worked at Burger King, remember the guy that ran that place? He was pretty cool. But the manager, the owner, the actual owner, yes, it was can i think i think you’re right. Nice guy. He didn’t come in very often, though. You didn’t see him? Well, that would be how I would own a fast food restaurant to never go in. Yeah. But he came in one time and he and I were talking. That’s after I’d worked there like a year and a half or something. So he knew me and we become the seniors there. Once you reset elite status by setting What is the cost? I mean to be a Burger King, you know? And he said he I think he said it was. The franchise fee was 100 grand a year. That’s in 19 $85 hundred grand a year. Just to be perfect. That was true enough. Bullshit. That’s a lot of money. That’s a lot of money. You’d have to be really profitable. Because you’re talking about like nine grand or so above. That’s gone right towards the franchise fee. Dude, it must work dude. Do they come? I wonder if they assist with the setup or anything like that they come build off the place for you. Dude, I didn’t know that back then. What was 1516? Yeah, that’s weird. I would have thought it seems like they put it on. expense onto the never what I said I seem to think there’s a lot of money I think he said you know that pays for national advertising and you know it gets you the in with you know all the distributors and all that stuff because you can only buy Burger King burgers no no no it makes sense that there would be a steep pay but that just seems steeper than I would have imagined. That’s not to buy in that’s that’s a year early Yeah, no, I know. So say I’m looking at nine grand a month not before you’re even getting into your own personal expenses. Yeah. That’s right place was pretty dang busy a lot of time though. Well, what are the what are the drawers Countdown to every every was like between somewhere between 500 and 1200 bucks for it till like 340 pills a day. If those are gross receipts you still had salaries, though? I know. And all of them. Yeah, yeah. So you might rack in. So let’s say for tills, let’s say 1000. Let’s make it easy for grand. four grand a day. Yeah. seven days a week. That’s tell me to do the math here. 28 grand a week. Yeah. Now you’re talking about roughly 60 grand a month, and then you probably have. So that would leave you roughly 50 towards your regular expenses, I bet you half of it goes away with salary, probably, well, they paid minimum wage. Presumably, you might still have some sort of a lease payment on the space itself. That’s true. Which could easily have added up to another I don’t know about by today’s standards, and got to be somewhere in that 789 1011 range, depending on nice spaces. That wouldn’t surprise me to find out that Burger King actually owned the land. Right, right fruit with that, but the money they’re collecting, I would almost imagine that maybe they were involved in maybe the setup that would make sense. Stuff that way, part of your rent is being paid that way. Yeah. It’s doable, though. It’s amazing. Yes, amazing. thing. No, that’s average. Say, a grand until Yeah. What about all the buses that pull in the weekends? The holidays and the high traffic shit? Yeah, a couple extra people on staff. But with the Burger King, we weren’t that they never bothered with that. Three people can work in regular three people can handle three buses, right as well. You have three buses coming in later. It’s like, oh, how did you know? Well, they said they were coming. So great. So who’s coming on who’s coming on? Now? We got it for you guys. I’ll be back in the office and you guys have a good one. Are you serious? I remember thinking it was kind of fun. It’s like a challenge. Was Yeah, we did good. We we ran that place. Well, yep. Just fine. Pick Jody Kane. Oh my god. So this is a great story. And Troy can tell it better than me because he lived it. I only have to watch from the outside. So tell us the story. Jodi messed up situation. Really an attractive. Short attractive blonde. Yeah. And it was a young younger been older than us. Yeah, right. Yeah. Now, you think of her is really young, but she was older than we were. Yeah. She was like in her mid 20s are real close to that. Yeah. And we’re sitting in there and what 17 1819 Yeah, that was about the range. Yeah. So she seemed already fairly exotic just because of her age. Right. She’s older because like, oh, he was she was very Track. Yep. real woman. Yeah as a teenybopper but a real well real woman that I’ll call her girl. I’ll call her a woman. Just because Wow. But man, she was an extreme flirts. To try not to me Well, yeah, in this particular case, she was an extreme flirt with me. And we spent a lot of time flirting back and forth and it was fun. She had a boyfriend. So you know, was never serious, flirty, was never running off and to the back, you know, cooler and having wild sex on the hamburger bun. Yeah. Speaking of with a parsnip, right, right. kind of left with the impression that things were heading that direction. So I was buying into and having lots of fun. But, man, she had a really bad rough relationship on and off again with her boyfriend. He was not a pleasant guy. No And she has lots of reasons to get back at him for over. I don’t even keep it whatever. She had lots of reasons to get back in him. And she didn’t have a lot of ammo. Apparently he was an ex did lots of things. So she didn’t have much to work with. But the one thing that she did feel like she had to work with, was this guy at work, that she was supposedly having some sort of a thing that the guy at work as you well know. I mean, just simply flirting with her. Yeah, he was the innocent young boy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And she took advantage of exactly, exactly, and I wasn’t, you know what I was into it. But I also realized that there was lines that were being crossed and she really got into some sort of a deal with this guy, where she really had to get it back. And so she starts doing shit. Oh, she first of all she tells she talks about this guy at work, right? Yeah, she talked about you. Yeah, yeah. And then later on, starts throwing in my name during sex during sex with her boyfriend, nice, not because she was fantasizing about me, but because she was trying to be vindictive. Well, I guess let’s roll that back. She was kind of fantasizing about me Of course. Who would but probably mainly trying to get her boyfriends. And not only that, she comes in the next day and tells me about Yeah, I remember I think I was pressing for one of those. She Oh my god, and she’s all like, there because what happened last night? I like actually yelled at your name during god. Oh, it’s the best. Oh, and when you’re 19 and something like that happens. I’ve never seen her Well, I’ve never met her boyfriend and I don’t recall really see, do we? So I know I saw him sort of sketchy and I never paid close attention to him because I was kind of flirting with his girlfriend that I just sort of ignored. I went to the back of the kitchen whenever I thought he was up front. smartmove But eventually, he does come in. He, he doesn’t really confront me. Because I think I was bigger than he was hoping. Yeah. Anybody I’m gonna run off doesn’t matter how heavy you are. But when you’re six, four, people start to kind of go and apply fell I kind of felt bad for him, because I knew he was kind of trying to confront me at the front counter that time. And he sort of pushed it out. He did just because I think I’ve just been I was tall. I felt sorry for him. Like here is this guy that his girlfriend is yelling out his name in bed. This just seems for me. Miles this way to gas. I do. I don’t know where you saw that I saw it back there but an RV says this is the way to go to the Grand Canyon. Arizona is back that okay, all right down to three bars here and then you have an onboard computer that tells you that really translates into 65 miles right if it’s I guess four miles isn’t too bad. If that’s true, and you should be I should want to waste the time to drive this direction more so it’s going away. I don’t want to get too dark. I close up the shop. So you can tell the story just kind of gets weird and all kinds of stuff happens but I never hook up with her. Yeah, that’s the sad that’s the sad thing is that I never do open and mainly because and I don’t know I was always a weird kid. Mainly because I didn’t think I wanted to get involved in the back. There was a little bit too much crazy. I did get the offer. I don’t know even mentioned Yeah, basically, okay. I think this is her boyfriend thing started sort of falling apart not too long after the real horrible, embarrassing confrontation with the guy and worth it. I think he was coming in to kick my ass and then change his mind. Yeah, he made the right decision. I don’t think that would have gone very well for him. Not a big guy. Right. But you know, at least I wouldn’t have been fighting very hard, right. But, uh, no, I think she just kind of had too much crazy for me at that point in time. She was crazy, dude. She was fucking crazy. rocker. Yeah, yeah, she wanted that she wanted to go out coffee and just think that maybe we should just spend Yeah, nice. Yeah. Wow. Well, coffee and you know, who knows? We’ll just go let’s just go and get some coffee and we end up spending more time together and the night then you know, whatever. It’s like Okay, so let’s go have coffee and then sex. I don’t think she was making any qualms about it. That 19 year old kid and a 25 year old woman quote Mark codemark sounds familiar. Probably a little bit intimidating, but mostly because of her crazy. Yeah, she was she was crazy. And I still swore I swear that you ended up tapping that never told me I never did. But I did get the offer. It didn’t get laid out on the table. I knew something that effect was in place, but never actually tapped that of course. Now if I could go back in time now I want to tap it twice. Yeah, and of course double tap. Didn’t realize that I was you got to double tap make sure they stay down. Yeah. Obviously wants to go a lot faster than me. I want to go faster than this guy. So she wasn’t as fun as my stalker. Oh my god. Those are names Sherry. No, that’s not it. The moment the hair done we’re gonna get this dude, I cannot believe she went fucking stalker on you. Okay, so this is a pretty standard story with Troy and I, I guess I will her and then she goes off of Troy that pretty much is the way it works out this one went a little bit messed up. Alright so okay talking I better get her get her name and you fill in the blanks too because I don’t remember exactly how this went. And I know this was while I was working at Burger King. Yep, she was at Burger King and like the rest of it, but it was towards the end of my time at Burger King. I do remember that. But then within the final year of me being there, I think we were there for two years. Two and a half years. I lived there a long time. Yeah. But yet she worked at Burger King. Very quiet, very demure. not attractive at all. No, she was cute. Yeah, but but but very demure, and hiding a little crazy, I think, Oh, no, lots of crazy, lots of crazy. But it was the show station. So she started following me around and I did No, this at first. So crazy. I didn’t know this at first, but she would start showing up and I would run into each other like, Oh, hey, how’s it going? Outside of work and it started happening a lot. Now what actually is a small town who knows stuff like that happen? It’s a small town. And then things started to happen for an exam. For example, I know for an absolute fact that she followed me around on a date one night, because I saw her twice that night, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. That’s fucking creepy. Dude, tell me pauses and we’re back. So what I can’t remember the I swear to God was like Sheila or Sherry, you’re quite right. It’s something softer than that. Was Ernie was Laura. Laura Laurie? I just hit on Laura city, Laurie because not Laura. Yeah, Laurie. It might have been Laurie. That could be right. Who cares what her name is that doesn’t really matter. The tricky part is how crazy she was and of course, yeah she’s a 19 year old girl 19 year old girls are borderline stalkers as it is. But she definitely started showing up a lot more frequently when I’m going out she’d be showing up and then this one night oh god I love this part. This one’s good. I just got myself a new car and it’s all proud of it. It was this 1977 Camaro it was a really great looking car and good shape and all that kind of stuff and I’m super proud of it got it parked out I can’t remember if I’m actually having if I’m working a shift at Burger King. Or if I was at a Denny’s having coffee. I can’t remember which I think it maybe was after the shift. But this girl actually went down bought herself a red rose. Got into my car, which I think was was never answered that mystery, and put a rose on my front seat of my car. fucking creepy dude that thinks that airs every time you tell that story, and I swear to God, it was some short nights after that, that I saw her in the window outside of my room. Oh my god, that could have been my imagination. I don’t know. That was a very freaky experience with her that she’s very, you know, there’s nothing threatening about her other than the fact that she had those, you know, Charlie Manson sort of five results or why he was really reserved. You don’t see you wouldn’t think of her stocking that. She was a stalker. So that’s the part of the story that unit where did you take her out? I did actually update. I went on a date once with what kind of kept the things go. That’s what made it happen. But eventually, I moved down to ellensburg started going to Central Washington University, and got hooked, had a girlfriend who’s now my wife. This girl shows up at my dorm room door Are you fucking kidding me and comes on in it’s it’s not in talks to me but Lisa is there. Oh, she’s there. So we had the most uncomfortable conversation ever with her there What did she say? Really quietly just don’t just see and say hi you know i but she made it sound like she’d come down for a different reason. But I’m positive she had come all the way down there just to kind of see what tries not to someone gave her my address. How did how did she even know you were there showed up this is post facto you thought the crazy stopped back there. I thought it stopped with the rose and it didn’t. And you know there’s another story with her too. I ended up at some point because she was sort of glommed with me. Between that dorm room show up in the in the rows. There was a point where I borrowed her car. Yeah, I borrowed her I was driving over in Western Washington. I was driving down the freeway. I think I borrowed her car to go see my girlfriend. That’s fucked up. Oh, really bad, but only 19 year olds. That’s fantastic. So anyway, did you borrow her car? Why did I do it? Yeah, I know. For some reason I didn’t have a workable car at that point. I was over. It may have been that Camaro that I had. I think I mentioned the head gaskets on it. And there was a time when I didn’t have a car that might have been it. So this would have been after the dorm room thing. So she must have kept going with me for a long time. Dude, that’s just fucking creepy. I know. No, it’s worse. I found her card. And then she told me about keeping the oil in it. And the cat came off and I blew her engine on the side of the road thousand bucks. See ya. Oh my god and i never talked to her again or set the money I to this day. think to myself that I should look And send her 1000 bucks. Yeah, if you could find her. What kind of crap you’re looking she’s seeking to cut your throat. I don’t know, she she knew that her car had issues and problems and that it had been borderline like that before, but just fingers that it would happen with me. I I think back on that and she was probably just head over heels in love. And I just like totally took advantage. I didn’t on purpose take advantage of it. But she kept putting herself in front of me and I just it just stuff happened. But I still feel guilty about that. This person was over here. Okay. Like literally right here. Oh, it’s right here. Yeah, so get your camera right. So that’s kind of some extended part of that story that you did not know that piece of the stand. Do you want to know why you didn’t know that part of the story was because I was too embarrassed to tell anybody That was one of the shameful moments in my history. That’s for sure. It didn’t say turn in here did it not? I thought so. That’s not a big sign. Maybe I’m wrong. or enter here it says There you go. Where’s the where’s the bus? There we go. Yeah, dude, this place just like packed and we came here in your car. Do you ride a bus? Nobody behind us. Let me do make sure that’s a good sign. Yeah. Can you have your window down now? Oh yeah, dude, this place was backed up when we came. It was back kid up power levels getting around whatever. Geez that and then you can charge charge me up I’ll get a picture with this Sorry folks The park is closed for two weeks loose up front should have told you it’s all lit up at Christmas lights at night too I bet it looks killer Why would you come here at night that sounds kind of no idea watch all the animals are gonna be asleep or something. Here is first time not mine. Well you’re welcome, Sharon rules to the parcel setup still the same people down the two mile drive and they’re keeping this close throughout bears and Wolfie Folger stay in the car. Afterwards in the walkthrough area that’s where you can park and get out. We have the more exhibit the smiling animals in their right so our fee is $20 for each adult she told them to test me $44 and 49 cents see if I can start running slim you got enough to cover how much was it 4449 get your AC and change don’t need the change don’t really need a receipt except for those it’ll stop me. Ship jurassic park entrance Yeah, you know what it was not Laurie. You know why? You know you know the name Laurie by because I briefly dated a little short redhead named Laurie. Ha there was at Burger King. I don’t know if I ever told you that story. sure about that one. Thank you. Thank you. Do that remember who she was? Ah, I’m trying to remember I do have a vague recollection. She was really cute but just a tad chunky. A little bit short remember her? Keeping the bears in mountain goats. So don’t just sit around the road. Well, yeah. Okay, so you got you and you can either use the camera or I’ll use the camera so it’s got full charge. Fully charged. So here’s mountain goats. You don’t have to keep the windows up except for the wolves in the bears. Okay. Hey, buddy. Yeah, did cat in there What? No, they’re just chillin, kicking it. So if you hadn’t figured it out, we’re actually embarrassed. I remember her being kind of cute that Laura she was. She was damn cute. Yeah. So anyway, I invited her over to watch movies. That’s what I lived in my parents Red House. Yep. And so I invited her over for movies through in the shining that’s a good date movie. In your last movie, oh, yeah. Yeah, all I all I remember is there was a lot of a lot of making out going on. A lot of hands under the shirt going on. But as usual, I didn’t close the deal. which is typical me. And she we just decided not to date anymore. We just went out that one time to throw that happens. Which is too bad because I think going and going backwards. I’m pretty sure I could tap that. Are you waiting for me to let you go through looking at me like waiting for the car? Oh, there comes the straggler for this fellow. There’s two stragglers. So can we go? Yeah, okay. I’m just gonna squat squat to let you know that it’s okay for Oh, I’m sorry. I mean scared a little one. Cute. Cute goats. Yeah. Yeah, that was too bad. She was like you said she was really cute. Yeah. And she had perfect tits? Because she did. And I had my hands on a few of those like that. Yeah. But it was definitely the right time. Time to Fie. Our lives for that. Yep. And then there was the infamous Cindy. Oh my god that destroyed our friendship for like, four years. So it wasn’t that long. Three years. It was a long time. That was a that’s an ugly story. It just did not go very well. Only teenagers could get involved. There’s a picture of an ass of an ass. This story that you need to like my job? Fuck yeah. Take your picture. Move on. Yeah, so I’ll tell my part. Send you know, you tell your partner Cindy. So Cindy was in the drama club with me. And we had a we were going up to Canada, this is the best because we lived in Washington. So Canada was only a few hours away. And so we went up to a Canadian play festival. And it was a whole bunch of us kids. And of course, you know, like two chaperones. There’s like 15 kids and two chaperones, so naturally naughtiness was going to ensue. Well, somehow there were two there were two main hot chicks that were there was Cyndi and a girl named Michelle. And Michelle was my onstage wife, her fiance something like that. Now her and I never fooled around. She had better taste. But she but yeah, so she was very she seemed very she seemed older than she was. Many keep her from fooling around. So local stud Matt Baldwin, who actually remember his name, which is weird. So I wasn’t exactly friends with a guy he and Michelle decided to sneak into they snuck into my room and brought Cindy with him. And so Cindy and I took the bed and laid up there. And Michelle and Matt were at the bottom of the bed wrapped up in some covers being not I don’t know exactly how naughty they were. All I remember is Oh, look at that big sumbitch he kick your ass that was that water buffalo I’m going up to these guys the bison bison do that go up Look at him. We’re like this yellow sun to about like this. Yeah, like right up to him. Yeah, he hit the side of the car. We’ve got to be like the rolling. Rolling. So anyway, so Cindy and I started just kind of like pulling each other a little bit and it was all fun and but she flipped over and it’s like what Betsy This is over. Oh what exactly Am I supposed to do here? I’m very inexperienced, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. So I put my hand up on our shoulder signaling that I’m not ready for things to be done. But I could just sit there and touch her and go to sleep this way, if that’s the way it was gonna work out, that’s trying to send that proper message. It’s like if you’re interested in more so am I but if not, well, I’ll just sit here and put my hand on your shoulder because this is also working for me. Like when he coming set, just take off a sock and you’ve got it. So anyway, so she put her hand on mine, and then she flipped back over and then we made out and plot each other and did all sorts of fun stuff. But again, Shane does not know how to seal the deal. Trey on the other hand, knows how to seal the deal. So anyway, Cindy in that wheel came back and for some reason in my Damascus I thought Cindy and I were some sort of an item. Well, for her it was just a fooling around with uh, you know, sophomore type of thing. You know, she was a senior. It was a fooling around the sophomore. She wasn’t really interested she enjoyed the fooling around time but that was about it. So I was just I was just that for Lauren I wrote her May I wrote and wrote her notes and tried to explain that we would be good together all this shit I still I used to have the notes I finally throw them away I’ve had them it’s up to like four or five years ago Really? I had a I had a brown you remember those double sided cassette holders that came like it is a suitcase? Yeah, like the shit in the middle got torn out and I just had this like this big brown suitcase and I had it filled with all my high school crap. Oh, my chemistry goggles in there. I had all my scripts from my plays How you doing sir? Great good the bears in the wolf make sure you do keep the windows closed the doors walk away from them that they approach it. Did you get a map from the ticket booth? I got it. Yeah map will show you some roundabouts make sure you take those you’ll see the animals better. Thank you. You’re welcome. So anyway, so Cindy basically said Not gonna happen. Well then, oddly enough, and I’m not sure if she was in Detroit, or if it just happened to be the Troy’s showed up. Cindy started coming over to where Troy and I were at which is one of my parents house is the one that they had rebuilt for from a fire that had happened inside I’ve told that story before. And so Cindy and Troy and I were inseparable for like an entire summer all we did was sit on the bed and watch movies It was a weird creepy thing talk about ghosts and talking about ghosts. And Ricci boy. Listen, it was the it was a fun summer I will not lie. And for some reason I didn’t have a car and Troy had the Camaro. And for up until the end of the summer, Troy was loaning me his car to take Cindy home at night. But one night, Cindy said that Troy should take Cindy home and Troy’s car. I knew some bad shit was going on at that point. So at this point, you were still more or less Running interference right? But anything that was kind of going on here we go. sleeping. I knew we were gonna get hit with the wall for sleeping. Oh, so cute. Let’s tear your fucking throat badam rise. Yeah, I remember I remember that because I was I wasn’t necessarily connecting with Cindy in a romantic way necessarily right? Because I felt like okay Shane’s trying for something to spark between her and yeah, I suppose trying to keep the spark alive yeah and I sent that and I’m like okay I’m gonna back off and I’m not gonna do anything about you’re very you’re very gentlemanly I thought I was doing a really good you were you were doing it considering the huge bolts in my pants. I was doing it. Yeah, well, she was hot. Yes, very, very hot. Understand why anybody wants anything. We’re gonna continue the story. That’s pretty much Mike, I got I’ll do a follow up story when you guys are done when you’re done. Wow. Now the story from this point forward, more or less goes, as you might say, back. And I don’t even know these stories because Troy’s never told, well, this has been a sensitive subject I don’t think we’ve ever discussed. And there’s no real reason to be overly graphic about stuff. But there’s, like, I’m at the point of my life where as long as, as long as one of the two of us was hitting it, I’m okay with Okay. Okay. I do the same thing. There was nothing negative about you in the whole experience. No, I know, I know. So yeah. Towards the end of that summer, she started to kind of request more and more than maybe her and I should be hanging out a little bit. Yes. And I was less surprised about it at the end of the summer than I would have been. I was I was really into her. I was just gonna dig it out. But I was holding off on that. Yeah. And then she gave me a weird. Go ahead, but I’m gonna kill you sort of. Yeah, it was a weird sort of like, well, if you feel like you need to. That sounds about right. Yeah, but but you know, I’m still gonna kill you if you do. Yeah. And you know, being the Hardy young guy that I am I chose not to hear the second half of that sentence, which was all good. I’m afraid I’d have done the same thing. Yeah, I think we would, of course. So yeah, that that kind of, I took her home. I remember, we never really dated. I’m afraid she was just it was more of a sex thing. Potentially. Yeah. But I need details, at least some details. All right. So a couple couple good details that y’all really enjoy. I do remember sitting in her living room with their parents asleep. And we’re sitting there kind of talking and kissing on Little bit and stuff and hands kind of go up underneath the shirt bra clicks because I was lucky. Not good but lucky. And broad drops open, not off but kind of away from the chest and the hands go up underneath the bra and start playing with the nipples a little bit great breasts. Oh yeah, she had fantastic breasts. There was no two ways about that. I even had my hands on this. And I remember getting two fingers on either side of the nipple and walking back and forth with him and her not having an orgasm from that experience. She never did that for me. But the more amazing part of that evening was when we both got up and snuck into our bedroom and had sex with their parents down the hallway. That’s ballsy, quiet sex. spooning position. Very quiet. Do the duty citizen play and snuggle for a little bit, and then put on the shoes in the pants and sneak out the front door. So that that was my first experience ever having one of those sorts of moments. What was your first? No, she was not my first son. This son. He was my first Yeah. dirty, filthy little lesbian cousin. Yes. Love her. Yeah. She really doesn’t love son. She was a great first experience. Actually. I bet she was. You guys who have listened to the show a long time knows that she was my first deep Virginia experience the deflowering. Yes, ma’am. But you’ll be happy to know that eventually I went off to boot camp, right. I maybe did that a couple more times with her. Yeah. How many times you think I would venture to guess somewhere around half a dozen a day. So a few times. Yeah. Like I said, it was always mainly just kind of sex and she was getting ready to go off to college, right. In fact, when I was Getting ready to go to boot camp. She was off to college gone to Gonzaga, I remember and I wrote her a whole bunch of letters while I was in boot camp. She never wrote me once back that says, again, the guy that had to have some girl to write to all the other guys. I’m writing to my girl she ever wrote back. I came back from boot camp and actually went SAR on campus, did you? Yeah, I did. And I could tell that it was sort of Yeah, that’s good to see again, things have moved on. Yeah. There will not be there will not be a follow up booty call. Yeah, I was okay with that. She was everything was fine. But I I enjoyed that. Nothing happened after boot camp, and I think I was okay with that. I kind of had my eyes on my new wife. Shortly thereafter, anyway, but I’m like you I still have a pair of her tights. In a shoe box. No, you don’t really attic of my house. Damn. I have in that shoe box. Have a bottle of Miller genuine gold label. That’s the first thing that me and my current wife ever shared. That’s cool. Do your wife let you have a pair of tights in there? Cindy? Yeah. How’s that possible? I don’t know. She did. My wife would have had a shit attack. I have a single one of those small records the single records of Cinderella somebody saved me Ah. represents Sonny right Miss Brandon very dare. I have a teddy bear from her older sister who I also dated for April two. I dated her for a while. I can’t believe she was festa Dude, I hope you rap every time. That’s the reason why I never hooked up with her. Oh, you didn’t hook up with her just dated over two years. I was token boyfriend for mom and dad. Yeah, token boyfriend for mom and dad sex with her. For those reasons. You were a smart man. I always suspected that was an issue and a problem and when I finally did get confirmation, I broke up with her smart Move Yeah, that was too dangerous but yeah and I got I got I got something from everybody who ever meant anything to me Why do all the animals look like they’ve been fucking torn apart? Look at that that’s another one. You see that bison out there? It was there. I wouldn’t not molting multi cuz that’s what birds do now that’s what birds do what do they do with it? But it’s the it’s the animal version of molting where they’re losing their hair as they go into summertime it looks bad. Yes guys, you see that one out there? Yeah. You guys gonna come up? I fuck you. We don’t get up for anything at this point in time. It’s too late. Before done five shows today. I’m tired. So high. That’s crazy. just tired. So tired. Okay, so let me tell you this follow up story about sending you to Okay, now I figured there must be one. Not much of one. It’s actually very, very little. So I worked in computer land after I got out of the Navy. This was 9596 so I am working as a PC tech blah blah blah. I’m married at this point. And somebody mentioned that Lucinda was in the office waiting for somebody. Lucinda. And I’m like I’m like what are the chances that here Don’t come close. I sit send there’s only one loose end I’ve ever known. Do they ever get more of a close up on this guy just cracking can get the Thank you. Watch the other bear. I’ve been too close to one on I was food. Well, I didn’t want to make any adjustments anyone mess around. Too much Munch in your watch because he was he doing look at these fuckers these guys are right up you up oh damn it that was like a shot right out of the stones hey let’s see if we do this right I’m gonna leave the window down zoom in on that Kroger that big beat modifier okay that’s like I tear your fucking eyes out like you jumped out a frame nope not just as he’s jumping like 12 x optical so it gets I mean you can zoom in tight and not go digital you know not get that grainy digital thing So anyway, so it’s like oh, let’s go take a look. So I walked I walked by the office and it’s her it’s definitely her. She looked all sorts of fucked up. He was dressed like in this she had that that that hat It almost looked like a graduation cap that had like the tall thing on top and is pulled down overhead. She was made up her face was painted like white with bright red lipstick. And she was I don’t know what the fuck she was wearing had a look was it was it like a Boy George sort of thing. It was like this. It was almost like some sort of a exotic Italian look or it was didn’t look good. It was not it was not appropriate, appropriate for her. It was not it wasn’t working for now. It’s not working for her. But it’s like, wow, what the fuck happened to her. And then I didn’t even say hello or anything. I just you know I just walked them by, but it’s like, Damn, where are they now? The h1. I didn’t even say hi to her when she, you know, she was somebody else she was doing business. So I was like she didn’t see you well enough to be recognized. She did not recognize me. She did not see me. But I was like, Damn, that is definitely her. But what the fuck man? What happened to you? That Yeah. Cindy Yeah, that was an interesting one. Shoot the class. If I get too close, you might not be able to get them at all. And I wish you’d look over at me. We can look over at you. I’m not going to do that should be more beta. Here’s get me into trouble Barry’s gonna go block the fuck do you want to roll the window over there those guys pretty big yeah good size them some good eating crap we have those are garbage can I Really? Am dude Goody river rat the animals dude this is really depressing because the animals were walking all over the road they were walking in front of the car the wolves were walking like right in front of the vehicle Really? Yeah we’re getting nothing today This sucks wasn’t that far out of the way I spent money on worse. Yeah, we know we’ve heard we’ve all heard the tales yeah some fucking shit out there walking around over there Start where we’re at. Well, here’s one you drove right by him before getting as busy looking over the buses and stuff I guess. He’s discussed this stuff into. All right, well, I’m gonna go around. Look at that. Go ahead and drop Kermit the Frog. Birds are getting the leavings waiting for someone to die last week for the leavings your scavengers still take whatever. We’re good. There’s one taking a bath, to educate, get a shot of that guy. Just get out and go over there. No problem. So I’m willing to do that. I’m willing to take it. It’s really cute. Bear for nothing, it’s one wonder where they’re bedding down. bear down no bear get in that. getting something to grab a hold of following the rules have the presence of mind hit the gas. We’re all just talking up here. Hmm Okay, so instructions for what to do next. Must exit through the gift shop what is the exit pretty standard you have any questions about the animal? Yeah, why weren’t they more frisky and overall asleep? Real creepy and shit. Last time I was here, you decrease the fight them. You’re talking about the plethora of your animals that we grew up with. Oh my god that told the story at one point, a wide range of stories runs them most memorable long run I think is a fucked up cat man family For dog what awesome pepper Oh I forgot about dude I forgot about pepper. I remember bear and feather. And then you got pepper which is short for Hossam Pfeffer si came up with really clever names for the animals Shin Shin Yes. What are ya cat’s name is right. Yeah. You guys look like you’re up to no good. You’re right. Do you have any questions about the drive thru? No, they don’t kind of quiet today. Well, you missed it by about 20 minutes they had a while ago and now they’re all in comas either they’ve all eaten and back down again. That’s too bad. Last time I was here. The bulls are all over the place and bears are like right up to the door. You can drive through again if you go Back to before six o’clock or so if you want to go do the walkthrough and then head out and get back in before six o’clock they don’t close the gate until six o’clock. So and we don’t make people get out of the walkthrough at all so you can be in there. Okay, great. Thanks so much. Thank you. She’s very perceptive. We are troublemakers do check out the gift shop and whatever else they got going on right here. A ton of things going on in here but definitely Yeah. Some photo ops and gift shopping Being alone. All right, we’ll be back. Yeah, all right. Well, we’re back from the foot tours of Arizona. Got some pictures. You know what I wish it did I wish it like some of my stuff we’ll put like a little lexia has a little two down there Yeah, I can’t they put a little for a little too just so I know there’s something there to look at. It’s probably a widget that doesn’t Did you look to see if there’s a hangouts widget there? We need to find a Hangout widget that was probably already there. Nine battery widget. How’s it cold now Kenyans? know that’s strange, because any hangout would you find unusual. Ben is there Can you check for a max here widget? I see how you’re searching for widgets. Oh, I just I’ll just long press and go to widgets. And then it’ll give me a list of all the widgets on the system, I think on the system. Well, widgets are registered to the system through the app. So an app can register widgets of its own. Oh, yeah. So then I should be able to go into regular long press it just long press someplace that’s empty Kenya now. Alright, so then go to your app drawer. Oh, there you go. There’s the widgets up there. And I’ll show you what, yeah, so you can take them and drag them to scroll. There you go. Okay. You may lose that drop down to fine tune it to a particular Uh huh. You’re right. Hey, again. You’re fucking with the widgets. Good. Get us the flock out of your exit came up. So I thought the outlook had a widget the Outlook web mobile thing The only thing the calendar dashboard right now. Dude, there’s other people that want to go here. No, no, that’s weird. Yeah, look one have one look. With theme above we’re mobile. Don’t have any widgets. That’s weird, man. Oh, wait, was it called? Its outlook not is it Outlook Mobile Outlook web something. He said I don’t have any O’s in my list at all. Let me say no, Oh, that’s so bizarre. Almost everything has at least some kind of a widget 343 that doesn’t fit 343 but you may have because pitching Put on a seatbelt man. You might check and see. Check the developers other stuff. Maybe they have a separate widget you can install. Yeah. I swear I saw something that said it did. So we’re headed back home man. Just over two hour drive back from here. guessing the sun’s low on the horizon, or getting fed. Lots of dust in the car in front of us. Thank you for visiting Arizona. If this is your first visit press one yeah, we had some. We had the galva gift shop ask us any dinner suggestions. She was. She was fishing. Very friendly guy. That’s good. She was very friendly. Yes, brother traffic. See? I thought so. Just a bunch of man pigs out on a day pass. Don’t worry about it. It’s all good. We could oppress the whole dinner reservation thing. Awesome. We should have done it but I didn’t think about it till just now. We get a dog in a double team that had a lot of fun with that. Yeah, give us a couple suggestions. Where are we taking you out to dinner tonight? That would be awesome. that would that would have been actually really good. are either one of us. actually aware of whether or not she had a wedding ring on them? I didn’t know I don’t look anymore. too old for that shit What can I tell you? She was trying hard to be helpful she was very helpful but you know she was probably bored you know what that gift shop all day sorry but for girls that gift shop still like to go out to dinner and you’re right there right What am I thinking? Troy’s the player here but being the married guy I wouldn’t actually follow through on these things anymore, right? I’ve lost my Quixote’s there put it on my little friends and even taken her out to dinner watching Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wouldn’t have jumped into bed with her either. Yeah, there’s a line there’s god bless you got so drunk I had to tuck her in or something. I don’t know. Maybe that. Like I put someone in the back. I don’t know he sees something. Yeah. He looked like he was being aggressive. I kind of thought maybe slipped in the gravel but elevator phrase. Well, most exciting Your job is with me to write yeah. Oh yeah, we worked at Arby’s that there was a girl story there too. Yes, there’s always a girl story. This gal is a cowboy. She was she went to yours High School. Yeah, I think she was not overly popular girl. I asked her out and didn’t want to go with her at the last minute. It’s the gym member I invite you to go to the dance that dance to know you don’t remember that. Blank is a little was a little bit heavier. But she seemed pretty cool. And then I found out I asked her out for dinner or maybe she asked me out dates, okay, one way or the other, but it was at your high school. You and I talked about her. You told me she was one of these really popular girls, dude, I have zero recollection of this, and I lost my interest in her between that time and the actual dance. So and I don’t know, but I invited you along to help kill the third person to come along and pretty much wrecks the day. They totally used you totally used. That’s a bad wing man. That’s the anti way to use it. Yeah, that’s like the landing gear dude. Well, you know, you meet someone outside of their environment. And not that I had a thing instantly against anybody who was popular, but I’ve been shit on one or two, three times in life and, and had no interest in that stuck up pitch sort of thing. Did you ever get assaulted by the cookie lady Don’t think I ever got assaulted by the cookie. Remember? Every yelling situations? Yeah, I told the story about the cookie lady. She actually hit me with her cane. I remember that to remember. I know I wasn’t but she told me about it the next shift and we work together. It’s like that fucking pitch hit me for a cookie. I think the whole time. At that time you’re working at Arby’s. You were living in the red house and I think I was living in your parents fifth wheel. out behind the Greyhound. Right? Right, right. Yeah. Because I know that’s where Sonny would come visit you Yes. That’s how I remember where you’re at is where the pitches are lined up to get to Sunday would make your nightly visits over to see if I was okay. Remember that time we got our drunk and told her we were each other to see if she would blow me. Remember that story. I do. Remember that. That was funny man we got some crazy times in that house man was fun yeah between those three locations I lived in all three at one point did you look in the right house? Yeah. I remember having having said that I was having you had the living room with the waterbed and I had dried your mouth the kitchen. Yeah, that little tiny death hole. Yes. It was like the death chamber. Yeah. But I don’t think Cindy thought of it that way but yeah that’s right. I didn’t have that big water but that’s right made for a chick. Yeah. The good times. Lisa even remembers that house when she came over. I remember I remember you guys there that house. Yep. I remember you living. Yep. Yeah, I lived in that bedroom. Yeah. I don’t know for how long. I think it’s very briefly because then we moved into the other place, didn’t we? Yeah, there was some sort of transitional thing as we got shifted around. Yeah, really did a great house until they got it finished. Right. And then we both go over to the red house. Right. Okay. And then we started went our separate ways for a while. Yeah. I don’t even remember where I went after that. I think I may have even moved to Western Washington after that. But you really, no, no, I went to school at Western central I moved elsewhere. Very shortly thereafter. Gotcha. Because the date during that whole time, Burger King everything I think I was going to school was working Atlanta title, Burger King slash Arby’s slash whatever. And going to school. I think I have About that time it finished up and just decided to transfer it down to Central where at least it was going anyway so right that worked out yeah that was weird man. Yeah, I told the story of the breaking glass in the bathroom yet that was horrible was it not to get the towel and bringing that damn thing down on top? I still have I still have Did it break up on the ceiling or Did it break on you? It broke on me. I think I don’t know dude, I my mind kind of blew some of that out. I imagine you snapping it. It probably broke that center piece or maybe it was on really loose. You just knocked off a 10th and then the thing I imagined probably came down on you then shattered is I think what happened is I I flipped the towel over. From my back to the front. I done my back like flipped it over to the front and it grabbed the Have the glass and pulled it and I think it shattered like a backlog of very nice large chunks that fell. It wasn’t one of those dome lights It was one of those hanging glass and I’m telling you I I still to this day, it still makes the hair stand up every time I see one because you’re sitting there fucking naked with showers of shards of glass coming down. Are you eating Dude, I still remember that. Look at that skirt. Yeah, I remember. I remember because I was there. We were there and I was trying to plug all the holes fucking trying to hold my hand over my damn, that was horrible. That was pretty bad. So remember in that same dude that was in the green house, right? Yeah, yeah. The same gray house. Remember? We had a party? Yeah, you were never him heavy drinker and I enjoyed doing it once in a while. Yeah, but we were making vodka and orange juices the night before. And I drank so many that I threw up. I got sick off the backside of the house. And then I went to porn. Myself orange juice next morning someone that dumped the orange juice in the vodka in with the last of the orange juice. Long swig of orange juice and swallowed a whole bunch more vodka. That’s just hair of the dog. Oh my god. I don’t remember but I think I actually got sick again and didn’t drink vodka for five years. It was it was forever before I was willing to drink vodka. I only got super fucked up one time. I mean, really fucked up. There was twice twice in my life. I’ve really gotten deuced Yeah. And one time was at a country western he hotbar called the brass pony. Oh. I was the wife had already moved to see what was it, Charleston. I was still up in Connecticut. And we would go karaoke every single night, every night and there was a project ticular karaoke show that would travel between the bars every night and be somewhere else. And this one, I was going to the brass pony, which I said there’s no way I’m going to some fucking redneck bar. And then my friend said, Yeah, you’re going I said, Okay, I’m gonna I think we’re chasing some broad around to I don’t know, there was a group of chicks that used to go touring with the same you know, they’d kill they follow the same karaoke group around anyway, I don’t know we had a whole group of us. Anyway, we got there and they had some sort of a house drink now I was under age still at the time, of course. But you know, you’re in the military you get the military haircut no one’s asking any fucking questions but you’re never sure if they’re gonna if they’re gonna serve you or not right, so you always got to feel the room because we’ve never been here before. Now our regular places that we would go karaoke Yeah, they serve you. Get it once they serve you once they have you continue to serve their ass Right, so once you made the first step, so they had some sort of a house drink, and I’ll be damned if I could remember the name of the was, but it had all the things that I liked any coupon that it had. It was basically a chick drink, you know? It had like five or six out and you know, it looked like a decent tree look like a fruit fruit drink. It’s not an umbrella and it’s blue. It’s for me. Anyway, so they brought one in I took a drink and I’m like, fucking bastards gave me a goddamn virgin drink. After they’re gonna charge me full price course you know, there’s no booze and whatever. So I slammed the first one down, and then another, and then another. And then another. You weren’t paying attention? Oh, no, no, no. That’s a very tasty drink. Gods did not taste like alcohol at all right. And at that point time, I was relatively fun. I got on the phone. I think I remember the story. I got on the phone and called my wife. And I said, You know, I think I’m fucked up. It’s just what makes you think that? I said, Well, I’m moving my eyes but my vision doesn’t quite keep up with it and catch up. Get your fucked up. Okay, so let you know. I don’t even remember how I got home to be honest with those best nights. You don’t remember anything about that. But the other time was after I got out of the military. There was a woman that worked in computer landing camp. She was an older gal. They are it’s a holiday weekend. Her name was Kim. I won’t get the last name just in case but anyway, she was a computer salesman in computer land. An attractive woman. I was how old was I when I got out? So if I was out at 95 Let’s do the math here. So it was 97. I would have been 30. Right. Thank you. Yeah. So I was mid 20s, I guess. Right. Right. Sounds mid 20s. She’s a good look. Yeah, she was probably late 30s. Early 40s. Make sense? Yeah. Anyway, she was a really good sales. Okay. It wasn’t just because she was attractive. But because she was a really good salesman. And what I remember asking her one time, I said, what happens if computer land kind of dries up? You know, what are you gonna I mean, where else we’re also telling you to sell computers. This is like the one place to sell computers, just computers. So many means because I’m a salesperson, I can sell anything. And she could, I mean, she could sell cars, she could sell whatever, because she wasn’t tied to computers like I was. Yeah. Give her son the sounds that personality and attitude right. It was quiet. Yeah, anyway, I always had sort of a secret flame for Kim. But she was very she had some messed up shit going on. It turned out later and there was psycho psychiatry molestation or something going on really good thing you miss that? Yeah. Well, I was buried that was a newly married at the time, so it’s probably better I kept my grimy paws to myself. You got to do it when you’re newly married. Yeah, actually, you know, I don’t think I was married. I don’t think it was married yet. I don’t think was married yet. But anyway, that’s beside the point. So she invites me over, because she says I want to see you drunk. Or something like that is a really good sign. She was married dude. Ah, still very good. I would never go out drinking with any of them. I’d never go to happy hour on Fridays. Yeah. Very reserved guy from that point of view. And so once I’ve said you’re gonna come to my party. Can I blank? No, probably not a good idea. This was why not? I said, it’s just it’s a drinking party. I’m not going to really fit in. It’s not my scene just yet, but it’s everybody from computer land. It’s all going to be there with strangers anyway. So I got convinced to go over there. I just started drinking. I said, Fuck, I’m gonna have a good time tonight. And I drank and I drank and I drank and I drank and fuck me. I continued to drink. And I was literally as the saying goes, wrapped around the porcelain halter. vomiting profusely. Thanks, Kim comes in and she’s looking just like you did get drunk, didn’t you? And I’m like, Yeah, you’re you’re happy. Ralph’s more in your toilet. That’s pretty much it. The two times I really got fucked up. Oh, my God. Not that I didn’t drink because when the wife was down in Charleston. Now this is my ex wife. By the way, I don’t want anyone thinking that my current wife is involved in this. But every night was the fourth of July. Let’s just say. I had some very interesting opportunities. I’m here to tell you I’m gonna give you a secret. No matter who you are. If you get up and you can carry a tune in a bucket and there’s a roomful of chicks, one of them will go home with you. Women are extremely attracted to men who can perform not always like that, my friend. Not like that. So I remember one night and I don’t remember this night much at all. It was very confusing. Okay, one of those nights everybody here we went to the bar. No, there was again, it was the same touring group, the same karaoke Group this really hot brunette. After I son a couple of songs came over, sat down and basically said I want to take you home when she’s singing a song and I’m like really interesting. And I said, Well, what do you have in mind? And she’s like, well, let’s go back to my place and drink. Bring your friends and we’ll just go back to my house. We’ll just keep the party going. So like I guess I can’t really be against that. Now I understand I’ve had a couple drinks but I certainly wasn’t I was still able to dry and that’s what they all say it’s not a cup. But yeah, so she said follow me in the corner. I’ll take my car you take your car follow me up. And I had friends in the backseat and I think someone in the passenger seat and so we were driving. I Dude, I fucking no idea where the hell we were going. So we drove up and put it all together. At some point time we pulled over I think she had to vomit or something. I don’t know what it was we had to pull over for some reason. No, she get you in at the bottom. There was a meeting with somebody in my car at department. I remember, I had power drinking friends for a while. So we pulled the car over. And she got she pulled over, right? And I was like, What is she pulling over for? So she pulled over and then she came back and I unrolled I rolled up my window. And she said, something like, it’s not much farther. Did I really don’t remember, all I know is she leaned in and tongue to me. I’m like, my friends in the back here. Just like just to be clear what’s gonna happen? Yeah, so what’s going on here? So so we ended up getting up to her place and it really became a matter of just Where the fuck? She told my friends and her friends I guess that there was booze in the cabinet or something and they started drinking. She’s grabbing brand to the bedroom with me. Yeah, you ladies listening? I’m not a bad guy. Okay. I’m going to explain to you why I’m not. So the makeout session started. Fellas, I was I had probably too much to drink. The next thing that happened is she reached out and unzip my pants. And usually what happens after that when her clothes are still on, if she went down I will tell you right now, the guilt was immense. The real bad what you’re really wondering is that I Let her finish or did I back out? So now we know that I’m a stand up guy. So do you think that I did. I finished Did I back out? I don’t understand how one could back out the overwhelming feelings of guilt Okay, sorry to sober up i think i think i know you well enough to know that you are capable of overwhelming feelings like that I think I’m gonna have to go back down. Alright Locky man Fred Yes, I pulled up. I tried her face off my crotch. She was very confused. I was very confused. And I let down my friends. And she was just hoping to give you a blowjob. I don’t know. I have no idea what the game agenda was dude. I had no idea what the endgame agenda was. Oh my god. But yeah, that was a very confusing time. Alright, we’ll see. My method is allow myself to get into that situation because I know myself well enough to know that I would not have stopped. That’s right. That’s that’s the right answer. Don’t even put yourself in a situation. That’s I don’t work hard not to cheat. I worked hard not to get into a situation that might lead to that. Now, I’ll tell you the other good story. So my good friend Dave Bosch, shell, he and I, we went to nuclear power school together. He made it through I did not. However, we did meet back up in Groton, Connecticut for subsequent training. We both went to sub so we both had to get trained. And I just make sure I don’t miss my turn in the middle of my story here are 17 All right, three and a half miles. Okay. So he got married to the most hot chick I have ever seen. Well, this is my memory. I’m going by here. So bear with me. I’ve had a lot more experiences than Anyway, she was smoking hot. And so he introduced me to her. They were They weren’t married yet. They were living together, but they weren’t married. That’s important story. So you know, only imagine where this is going. So, anyway, so we show up. I showed up, I came up, I came down from Portsmouth to grant for training. I met up with them, and here’s what the deal was. It was a six week training. And you could either stay in the barracks, they would provide you with free room and board basically. Or they would give you like a per diem if you wanted to stay off the base. Which, you know, hey, yeah, anytime you can get money out of Uncle Sam’s a good thing. So David said, I should stay with them for the six weeks. Gotcha. And I could make the per diem and you know, that way a little money in the pocket, they, you know, didn’t even need to split it with me or anything. So just just come and hang out. It’d be great to you know, hang out. So David was on shift. I hadn’t started the school yet. So I was off. I had a bunch of free time. And at the beginning, Dave was working or at school or whatever. And, Christine, oddly enough, her name. She said, I need to go and get some stuff at the commissary. It’s like the PX or bx whatever they call it in the app services. grocery store. Yeah. So we go. And so her and I would go to the store and a mutual friend of theirs. I remember the guy’s name all of a sudden, and maybe not important the story. So she comes home. She’s like, Oh, hi, Dan, I want you to meet my new friend Shane. And he looks over at me and I’m like, all of a sudden, I see there’s some fucked up shit going on here. And I’m suddenly realizing maybe I shouldn’t be here and she She puts her arm around my waist. And she goes some. So Dan, remember that thing. I was always telling you I wanted to do the threesome. And she looks over at me and it says, we did it last night and she she reaches over grass behind my head and starts telling him I thought this kid was gonna fall apart. I’ve known this woman for 24 hours at this point. And wow. Unbelievable. And so I saw I’m like, totally, I don’t even know what to say. I just sat there. I just kind of smiled like a dumb Mongoloid kid, you know. Anyway, this guy looked like he had just had his heart ripped out, torn in half and stomped on. Oh my god. So as it turned out later, obviously, we found out that he’d had a thing for her for a while. She just thought about As a friend, they all somehow oddly managed to remain friends even though there was that odd relationship. She took great pleasure and fucking with him every chance she got. I just happened to be an excellent source of fucking with material. Yeah, so anyway, so as the story goes, I stayed with them and nothing, nothing weird happened and this must have been like four or five weeks in. Dave has to go out for a deployment. I’m sleeping on their couch. And I become pretty close. I mean, I was close to David ahead of time. But Christine, I mean, I got I got really close to her. really honest, I swear to God as a friend. I mean, she was so fun to hang out with. But you know, like you don’t fuck with your best friend’s girl. You know, that sort of thing. So I tried to really toe the line and I really kept things in check. But it was apparent to me that she started feeding me licorice and shit. I knew that something was coming. You know, sort of had like, the vibration at grapes, you know, like, you know, I remember we would sit there and watch TV and I was sitting on the floor and she was on the couch and I was sitting like, her legs were open, kind of like sitting up with my back against the couch. And she was reaching down feeding the licorice pieces. I swear to God, I’m so naive. I didn’t really think anything of it, but I started to get that. You know, it’s like no, geez, what the fuck is going on here? I mean, Dave’s like my best bud. You know? I can’t fuck. No, no. This is bull. This is just Christine. It’s just her being flirty. fucky around. It’s not a big deal. Not a big deal. Just pretend it’s not there. Laugh have a good time. couple of nights later, I’m on the couch. Dave’s daughter still. She comes out wearing not sexual clothing, but she’s in bed clothing. But it was. It’s like this this subtle line between it wasn’t even slept. It was just very feminine. Very arousing. I don’t allow us to put it It wasn’t overly overwrought. Yeah. You know what I’m saying? She comes in and she sits down on the couch. And I’m just kind of laying there like, What the fuck is going on? This is the middle of the night. We both already respectfully have gone to bed. She’s out in the middle of night and she sits down and she starts looking at him. I get it. I mean, all of a sudden it’s like, oh shit, here we go. This is it. The fuck am I gonna do waiting for you to show up in her bedroom? You never did? I never did apparently. And it’s like, what the fuck do I do? What do I do? I mean, I’m literally like a fucking I mean I’m like a deer in headlights. I don’t know what to do You don’t want to hurt her feeling and I don’t want to upset the girl. I don’t want her to feel you know neglected or rejected. Oh, that’s really funny anyway. So she’s looking at me like like, I don’t know what the fuck that was anyway, so she literally bends down and kisses me and he was not that fuck around kiss at the commissary It was a kiss. My It was then confirmed because I think I was looking back at her like I was looking back at her like, I’m not sure your meaning what your meaning I don’t. I’m not ready to commit that direction. Let me clarify. Let me clarify. So she it was just like this dam another dam it was just like this slight sensuous kiss. It’s like that answer my question. That is indeed what this is. All right. Guilty Shane said. I’m sorry we can’t do this. I’m married. I can’t fuck around with my best friend or the Shane say fuck it this chick is unbelievably hot. The chances of you fucking another woman this hot are slim torpedoes damn the torpedoes. Fred, get ready to answer. What are you saying? Did you do it or didn’t? Did you didn’t do well given that setup. I have to go with you went through with locking it. That’s your final answer. Yes, locking it. Imagine the sound effect. I told her I was married and I couldn’t do it. Oh, I will be honest with you. I kicked myself in the ass every fucking day for a long time after that, especially after your divorce, especially after my divorce. I went looked her up sometime later on. See, you know, you know, see. Yeah. And she was still like super hot but apparently now David had divorced or not. Oh my god, you want the greatest story of all time. David, I didn’t really keep up as close I mean, didn’t have Facebook and shit back then. So you’re gonna have to, you know, feed in the, you know, fill in the words here. But David had divorced her. They had a kid First of all, they got married. They had a kid. Then they got divorced. But neither one of them ever moved out. As a bonus, her new boyfriend moved in. I want you to imagine the fucked up shit going on in this house. So here’s David, his nine year old son or eight year old son, whatever, his ex wife and her new lover all in the same pad. I told him I asked him, I said, How can you do that dude? Just he goes, Well, it was an amiable divorce. And it’s like, dude, still still. Dude, you’re tapping that and now the guy sitting frosting for the kid writes. Oh my god. Anyway, that was just absolutely crazy. Anyway, he says she’s pretty much batshit What’s he gonna say? Right? Even though was an amiable breakup. He said that she got freaky. She started going to that weird holistic medicine. And he wanted to, you know, give the kid an aspirin and she wouldn’t let him and wouldn’t let him get back. vaccinate and all that other weird freaky shit. Oh my god. So apparently she went batshit at some point. So now he’s married to somebody else and he’s on Google Plus we talk every now and then he was insulted that I called Marissa Mayer from Yahoo, a super hot chick. And that the fact that she one wasn’t going to ban porn from Tumblr. Did you watch you follow this? Yeah, not alright. So do you know who Marissa Mayer is? Not really. She’s the chick that took over. Yeah. She’s like the new CEO. Okay, gotcha. And I’m telling you, she is like, on or off. If you shoot her right, if she gets the right picture. She’s really cute. She’s really all gotcha. Okay. Yeah, take a photo two seconds later. Never interact, train wreck. But for some, I mean, I really enjoy the fact that there’s a hot chick that keeps popping up in the news like that. And they never show her bad pictures. Yeah, it’s perfect. So Yahoo bought Tumblr. I’m not really familiar with what Tumblr is, I know it’s some sort of a blogging photo thing, kind of which there’s like 900 other services. So when we need Tumblr for, but a lot of people seem to be huge on Tumblr. And so there was a lot of people are like, ah, Google’s gonna fuck it up. You know, they bought something really cool. Now they’re going to destroy it. That’s typical big business way. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So, it turns out that there was some concern, because there’s a lot of artsy pictures up at Tumblr. Apparently there’s a faction of people that use it to exchange erotic photo photography. Okay, right. So one of the big worries was, is that when Google or sorry, when Yahoo took it over, that there was going to be some crackdown on this photography. I don’t even think it’s nearly as porn. I think it’s really just legitimate, legitimate nude photography, but anytime it’s talked about In the news, they call it poor. Right? Nice. Yeah, of course. It can’t be tasteful nudes. That’s gonna be poor. Right? So the headline read and I shared the story. mayor says Yahoo will not censor Tumblr, porn and porn is in quotes. So I posted hot chick good with porn, if she swung the other way we would have the trifecta. David took offense to that. Really, he’s like, he’s like, you know, it’s very offensive to think that just because a woman’s attractive, you know, you’re putting her down, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it’s like, it’s like, Okay, first of all, it was a joke. All right. I thought we could still have fun on Google Plus, but apparently. And I said, and I and he’s like, Well, you know, would you be happy if someone said that? You know that your daughter that had worked so hard to get somewhere was great because you had a great set of tips. You could name it. What do you do? Send it great. I wish I could remember the exact quote that she had the trifecta because she played with another girl’s tits or something like that. Everyone in this discussion I said, Listen, I said First of all, it’s Joe. Second of all, I’ll stop this sort of shit. When all of these quote hot nerd chicks stop coming out of the woodwork trying to make the name as a personality for themselves. I am sick of that shit. Here’s this hot chick, talking to you about Halo. And you know, she can’t even fucking spell Halo, right? He’s never played Halo. They’re trying there’s a new trend in this geek hot chick thing. Yeah, it’s all over the place. show you’re talking about all over the place. I just want show Okay, okay. It’s not just one show is hiring models to be able to do it and basically, here’s how it works. So the woman the girl Miss case, I guess. The girl goes on something. Social Network puts out very provocative, provocative but attractive pictures of themselves. Right? Yeah. They, they are getting a ton of followers just on the sheer fact that they’re hot. Yeah. After they get a certain number of followers, they suddenly start a blog. And then the blog and first the blog is all about video games and geek shit. And that brings in the geek nerds that, you know, want to talk, you know, want to hop on the hot, just the hot chick alone thing, right? And then all of a sudden, oh, then they start a podcast. And the nice thing you know, there’s some sort of recognized personality. They’re vapid, there’s nothing there. It’s void. And they’re trying to become some sort of a personality based on. Oh, I’m a hot chick that likes video games and nerds like a grass roots sort of a thing. It’s creepy. Yeah. And it’s all over the place. My Google Plus has tons of recommendations that say, Oh, you might be interested in this. And it’s the you know, Felicia Day and all these other hot chicks that have somehow parlayed their looks into something that seemed somewhat substantial. You didn’t write back after that, but that’s right. Man Who wouldn’t want a rich, powerful hot woman that doesn’t mind porn that will also, you know, play with a set of tits. I can’t imagine what the problem is here. Why is that offensive? I don’t know. It’s degrading to women or something. I don’t care. I love you, David. If you listen to the show, I don’t remember if you do it. I love you, man. Yeah, don’t take this man. It’s just it’s just a funny story. Yeah, so you gotta love it. Got weather stories that we have to tell, but couldn’t have wrapped them all up. All the computer stuff for retro gaming radio thing we’re gonna do but he says it’s up in the air right above us. Do I see him? More than that? Doesn’t that’s not a good sign. Time at night for the gophers to come out. Right man, there’s a big dead animal over here somewhere. They don’t want they don’t want dead alive. Yeah, well. So what else is there? What else did we end up doing? Oh, it’s so I mean, we had so much going on. Remember that time we were camping with my parents? And that fucking 10 just got up and floated away like a UFO. You wouldn’t run it after a long time ago when that happened, I don’t even remember it was a long time ago. Yeah. All the time that we went up and did a lake shell and the water slides and I bought gave myself a concussion. We’re trying to keep me awake, falling asleep on the way. I remember that. out about it till now. Trying to make a little nervous. I was nervous. You guys are getting me nervous. Like Yeah, I don’t think you want to go to sleep. That’s not something you’re supposed to do. Yeah, hell’s going on. And of course, at that point in time, I felt incredibly tired. Oh, yeah, I had to go to sleep. Do those water slides drain your ass big time to freak out to go to sleep. I remember being me the day after the water slides or even that night. I mean, we’re hauling our ass up those big fucking long stairs like all day long, and the sun is just wiping your ass out. That’s exhausting fun as hell was fun oh my god I remember being you know almost unable to move and I wasn’t fat then and when you take a break you to set at the bottom of the slides and wait and hope for some chick to come down and lose your top which did happen yep it did happen never once I really wanted to see though but yeah well you might have changed your mind if it were now. Yeah Oh my god i some crazy shit. That’s where we came up with our whole waterslide razor blade. Oh my god. cheese grater. Oh, okay you go ahead and tell the story of that because I my protocol drives the story there is no story around that we just two guys that sit around and start talking about how horrible things are probably started off with some sort of conversation about paper cut, right and then we started to increasingly imagine the worst case scenario for an engineer. Your terrible thing you can experience. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I think one of the things we boiled through a lot of different scenarios we did, but I think we ended on this ultimate horrific situation in which we’re on a waterslide. Right, you’re cruising down the waterslide the last little flat part of the waterslide just before you hit the water is a cheese grater. Nice razor sharp, Rusty cheese grater and inductee into the salt water on the other end. So yeah, we had to change it to salt water on the I remember that. We had the breaks in the pipe. Remember the breaks in the pipe? Sometimes we’re not very well level. So you’d be like some things be some of the slides that two or three times on the way down. If you were like right in the middle, it would be like an uneven pipe and like rake your back. Yep. You and I thought that’d be great if they had like razor blades sticking up just a little bit. This is not enough to like, seriously harm you but like every break in the pipe on the way down, and then you went into the sea disconnect the skin and of course that comes from the fact that the pipes did have some breaks in them and they did would have no blood. But little wells. Wells dude from where you hit the little section changes in the pipes. This is wavy. This is right out for the invented waterslide. Yeah, they haven’t had any kind of regulations. And they didn’t have anything figured out. Yeah, yes. But yeah, and so the best way to get the maximum waterslide was to arch up off your back and on your shoulder blades and on your heels. Remember, that would give you the most speed. The problem is is your heels wouldn’t feel the bumps that shook your shoulder blades would get frickin roughed up by the welds on the blades. Oh God, because the types like you said the pipes are not section right together. Yeah. And also they haven’t quite figured out the geometry of the water itself, right. Oh around the corner after a while. You may start off the All conservative and you sit down and you scoot off, right and towards the end of the day you’re reaching out grabbing hold of that pipe you’re doing a monkey on your ass down the pipe like eight feet before you can lie I totally forgot about God. And then the problem with that, of course is you’re not following the normal path of that point because you’re already like 20 30% 40% Who knows? Yeah, above normal. Normal velocity. Yeah. So what you’re doing is you’re cruising around the corners hitting the dry patches. patches have been even my job. Oh, dear god. What a nightmare man and you really can’t stop it because at that point, you’ve already decided to do that monster launch and you your velocity isn’t really control bad. You just give You didn’t know the dry patches there were you was the same camping trip that that 10 flew off? I don’t remember who was with me. I think it was you. We were in the pool. And there were some girls there. One of them took a huge shine to me which is weird because when I’m with you I’m for the best rapper, my best friend. But for some reason this chick honed in on me was this when we went to that lake, that little resort thing that your parents had a 99 or I don’t remember the I’m pretty sure that it was I am barely remembering this story as it was, and that she totally wanted to party with me. And so she we were talking in the pool for hours and seemed like trying to get something together. And for some reason she thought I was older than she was or Something about there was something about I couldn’t drive. She said, Can you drive us into town or something? And I said, Oh, was it? I opened my fat trap. It might have been like hidden yet for booze, or something was implied sort of. Yeah, I think you’re right. Okay. And then I remember, I remember afterwards she basically once she found out my age or something like that. Basically, she gave us the blow up, but you and I sat there on a bench, like right at the campsite, and I was like, I’m a fucking idiot. I need to keep my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have told her how old I was. And my parents were snickering in the fucking tank. And my mom’s like, dumb shit or something like that. That was me. Okay. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. Oh my god. I don’t I don’t remember. I don’t think I could swear we were at that. What’s that lake? And I don’t know what your parents had some sort of a resort house or something like that or it wasn’t a real house. It was a resort. It was a resort campsite. We have access to that. Sorry. I got nothing. If some Lake I remember that. I remember some time in the pool. I remember she was really cute. And for some reason she was in the me and not you. Those don’t come along every night. I remember this and I do remember that. I think it was really funny back then. And so I had her laughing a lot before I took my pants off. But what I found was that you loosen the boat with the spiders under the bridge. spiders. I don’t think that was you. I think that was sunny. I think sunny way camping with my parents and me. You trust me you remember Okay, that’s all I remember that when I told you spiders under the bridge, that would be all you need to know. That wasn’t you. I’ve already told the story but I’ll tell it again since we got like fucking an hour and a half to fill. So we went, we went camping like on a lake and sunny and I swear to God, it was sunny. I should call her and ask her just because I need to know who it was. It was in the books. I wasn’t alone. I thought it was you. Anyway. So we went have we went on this boat, we had a rowboat, and we rode all of the sleekness great, you get like rode a different. It’s almost a little mini towns and there was like space in between, and you’d wrote each one and there’d be different people to see stuff like that. Well, on one side, there was an overhang that went over the lake for the road. I thought hey, let’s paddle over there to the overhang. It’d be like going through a tunnel. So he pedaled over there and we can we we roll underneath this this little overpass and we’re Sitting there, you know, because it was hot as fuck outside, so it was nice to be in the cool shade. And so we’re sitting there talking and whatever. And sunny looks up and says, Oh my god, and I look up to the entire underpass literally. When by wet as it looked fake. That’s how incredible it was. It looked fake. It looked like a painted mat from some fucking arachnophobia movie. They were hunt. Maybe it wasn’t hunters. You know what I last night I told the story. I said the same thing I said, it may be me remembering it differently. There were hundreds of black widow spiders. Everyone in the center of a net at the center of their web. It was the scariest fucking thing I’d ever seen. We paddle out from under that frickin bridge. Like I mean, like we had a motor attached. Oh my god, it It was so fucking scary. Troy. Oh my god, man, that’s just especially when you get so close to something like that. Listen, I didn’t tell you the best part. The overpass was only like, eight feet off the water. They were not that far up. That’s why you can see it’s not like you know, 16 foot clearance or the truck you get through six feet away. There they are. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god. Unbelievable. Yeah, I ended up telling the Janae Frank story twice. I didn’t even realize i’d covered at once. Oh, really? telling it twice. I keep telling myself I’m going to go back and compare the two stories and see how well I remember cuz they were two years apart. Yeah. never went back though. I’m trying to remember what fake name I had at the party. The very first party that we met her pretty Remember we said oh would it be fun if I just went under a fake name? Yeah, there was something I can’t remember what my fake name was or my alias. Well, I have no clue and then my dumb ass had s n m or something on my shoes remember? Like, what is that? What is that is Janae asked me what those letters were on my shoes and we’d already given her the alias I had to come up with something stupid. fucking retard you know that was sex. I was still Clark back then. Yeah, would have been. Oh god. That’s weird, dude. It’s hard for me to even use that name. You remember what my last name used to be? Sanders. Forget shit like that. Well, you almost forgot your old name. Clark. That’s so weird. That is bizarre. So beard Clark. doesn’t even sound right. doesn’t even sound like it becomes real. But yeah, dude. I was 18 I had that name. That’s right. Keep thinking ahead. It changed earlier than that, but I didn’t. so bizarre that she had the scariest boyfriend. You know what’s weird? Yeah, yeah, he was pretty big. Yeah, he was like the big you know, what didn’t he wasn’t he liked that guy in Dark Knight, the Scarecrow that big, fucking retarded guy that they ended up killing Baba, you know, overalls with the white hair and he reminds me more of the big kid off my bodyguard. Okay, I bought a bodyguard. Yeah, that’s what he reminds me of. Did he go see David? Oh, good question. No. Today, she would say his name. I sat with the guy at lunch eventually didn’t know. Yeah, after making friends with Janae and getting going with that like that. He started looking because he didn’t have a group of friends. Really? Yeah. Because the bodyguard guy, nobody wants to hang out with him. Scary. I thought it was a football players. No job No, no, true hardcore, the my bodyguard guy. He was just a loner and off his own and eventually, because I sat at the nerd table, and eventually he came over sat at the dinner table and nobody knew what the table was anymore. Interesting, but yeah, he just had no other place to hang out with. So we became weird friends. And there was at the time where a hint Janae I don’t know what what the what part of the story you were telling maybe I’m telling a part of the story that’s, that’s a prior to all that. Yeah. But at one point when she he were dating and they got into a fight, and he drove this really killer car, like a Pontiac GTO or something like that, but it was really cool. And I ended up I was 15. And he had me drive his car home for him. So he could ride home with Jeanette. Were you there and no licensed driving my first car for the very first time they bought her car. And I drove his car home knowing that if I even got a rock chip, I was gonna get crushed into the asphalt. So where there’s a backstory to everything I don’t know about? Yeah, there was that. And of course, you know that the whole reason why Janae came into the radar is because we got a job at the same place Atlanta. That’s right, you remember that? I remember now, she and I got hired on let’s see, I recommended her or I think she came via a different referral source. And we got to know each other, but we came from the same school, right? We got hired as data processor. So do inputting this stuff into this. Some sort of, anyway, we’re putting documents, old documents into a computer system, right. And her and I worked side by side on that. And I got to know her real well and I well, real well, I got to know her well enough that she wasn’t a stranger anymore, right. That’s That’s how, because I knew her Right. I got I was kind of into the whole party situation and you came along, right? That’s right now. I remember bits. I remember flashes from the party. But that’s it. I remember the stupid shoe thing. Yep, I remember that too. And a pair of fans. I remember feeling very uncomfortable. Any kind of a party at that age. Yeah, I didn’t go to parties. So it was a weird experience. But hers was somehow safe. I don’t know what it was. Her parents were around. Maybe, you know, I don’t know. I don’t recall there being alcohol there. No. So I think your parents were like, in a back room or something like that. That whole thing was the weirdest fucking how long like finding early dater? I guess how long was I? I guess with her. I don’t remember the duration. I remember so many things during there was an accent. extended period of time where it was like a very confused relationship between the two of you guys very confused. I didn’t know if you guys were like seeing each other or not or on the even it seemed to me like you guys were always on the verge of something happening. I just assumed you guys were probably going to date. And then she was a bit wishy washy, and you were a bit of a pussy. I wasn’t. I was a bad policy. You weren’t you weren’t aggressive enough. I wasn’t. And I think she was just kind of wishy washy on the whole thing. Well, you know, you know, the final story of that right, remind me again, because I don’t really have it locked in my mind. So do I end up spending like every fucking weekend at their house? overnight? Yeah. And it was in the underground comfortable movie episodes. I know which one it was it was European vacation. No, I wasn’t. I remember you telling that story. Yeah. It was very weird. They I was completely non threatening. I guess. Or the parents like me or, or something? Because I think I asked her brother, who was actually a pretty cool kid. Yeah. remember his name is say my name. Frank. Got a good picture. I could see him. I could. I could, I could draw it from memory. The little guy, little guy. I remember asking him one time if her parents let her old boyfriend or let I can’t remember his name, Dave. I’m gonna say Dave, because that’s all I can pick up. Okay. Did she let they let Dave just sit here and spend the weekends and play games with him all mine all that stuff. And he’s like, no. I think he liked the fact that I was seeing his sister because he liked me like Brian. Yeah, you know, so he thought I was I was cool enough for Brian. I think we’re in the same grade and I kind of frail Yeah. So intertwined. But anyway, so There came a time when I guess it all came to a head. Which is weird because still a matter of time. I mean, listen, I mean, we, we were literally, we were very rarely apart, not just on in person. But if we were apart we were on the phone. I mean, it was a it was very. I mean, it was a it was a relationship. I don’t know exactly what it was. I couldn’t read I couldn’t read was happening. I think by that time. By the time you guys were doing that. The whole land title gig, it ended. Right. And she and she and I were working together anymore. Yeah, right. So you had the winter. Yeah. And you never saw me. I think you’re pissed. And I spent so much time with Janae Oh, my God, I was there every single fucking second I could be. I don’t blame you. She’s a good looking. She’s so attractive. And she’s smart. And funny. Yeah. And that means she had a little weirdness going on. And intelligence kind of more than made up for it. Yeah, I mean, more than so it was It was all I mean, literally, if you could have taken the religion out of that it would have been the perfect woman. She that to me that religion was part of what made her kind of really not creepy, but it more interesting, really like people. It was always hanging over my head all the time. 24 seven It was. It was a it was a piece that I wasn’t sure so into it, but she was I mean, she wasn’t she wasn’t. She’s wishy washy. The Listen, she was. But it didn’t. It didn’t rule her life. I mean, it did, but it didn’t. I mean, she listened. Listen, I know, ultra religious people study. Yep. I know how they work. I know how they think. I know what makes them tick. And she wasn’t one. Yeah. And yet it was for her. The religious peace wasn’t a matter of choice or selection or whether she was looking to she was never looking challenge it or considering for her. It might have been as well been the hair on her head something she couldn’t change. It was just it was just there right? For her it was a matter of fact thing. Yes. It made no there was nothing emotional behind it. So she calls me up it for so dude, it was so fucked up. And a horrible story to have to tell. I get I hear I get this phone call. And, of course it was her. It’s always certain it’s gonna be her last calls. But I have that weird feeling that something’s not going to be right after this call are no woman’s intuition, whatever you want to call it. And so I pick up the phone and I’m like, Hi Janae and she’s like, how do you know Spanish? Duh. I mean, who else is it gonna be and she laughed. We exchanged you know some pleasantries. And you’re gonna be proud of me for it to be proud of me. Okay. I told her I love her right there. I said said, God, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what this call means. Okay, but listen, before we go further in this call, I love. I mean, I’ve been in love with you forever. I mean, all I want to do is be around you and be with you and be near you and talk to you and play games with you. That’s all I wanted to. I mean crazy about you. What do you think she said? I don’t think you’ve ever really told me this story. I’ve told it on the show, but I know you don’t listen the show. Okay, so what do you think she said, This is great. I love this game. This is a great game. What do you think she said? I think there was some silence. No, there was no silence. It was immediate. Well, I know that you guys never actually I can infer a lot of information here. They were actually dated. We didn’t we just weird because we spent every living breathing minute together. I’m gonna have to say this. She says I think of you as a friend. Now please see this is great. This is great because my audience is in on this joke. everyone listening to this already knows what she said. Okay, so they This is great because you don’t know but they know. Okay, that’s weird. That’s weird that you don’t know. I know. I know. She says I love you to really boom. I’m like, I had nothing I had no, I couldn’t say anything. I was just like, Really? You know? I didn’t say Really? And she goes, but I can’t see you. She says you don’t belong to the group. I can’t see you. I said you said you love me. She was I do. She knows but I just I can’t It’s against them. It’s against my religion. I mean, listen, there was nothing. There was nothing emotional about it again, it’s just like, if suddenly she turned green, she It was very matter of factor. She was always a very logical and very removed sort of individual when she tried to be. It was so bizarre. And I said, so. Does this mean, we don’t hang out? Does this mean we’re not? We’re not gonna watch movies together rockets talking on the phone. And she goes, I guess so. Essentially, I think she was looking to see if I was interested in I think she had hoped so much that she would convert that I would convert. Yeah, I think there was a there was a sound and her voice like, because she did she actually said, if you if you became one of us, I can see you I think she did say that. But listen, it was not that weird, preachy shit. It was literally a matter of fact scenario that you just need to become official. Yeah. If you know if you become official, yeah, then it’s okay. Then we’re good then. Then, you know, I mean, I honestly believe the sky would have been the limit with that relationship with Jehovah Witness, right? He was JW Absolutely. And you know what? I’ve always said to myself that there was absolutely no way I would convert anything of that nature for a woman. Yeah. But I will be honest with you. There was about 10 seconds that I thought about it. And I thought a lot about it only because not because she was incredibly hot or because I really did love her but because her family was so cool. Yeah, it’s like could this really be a religious family? They’re watching tidies flop around on TV and doesn’t mean anything to them. They’re swearing and like they didn’t see it. You know? But But you know what? There was never any judgment, every religion I’ve ever been around. There’s been judgments and prosecution and negativity and all this, but none of that dude know if I hit I mean, you almost didn’t even know that they were. And for that few moments I thought I could live with that. Yeah, you know, that seems doable. But that good sense kicked in and I don’t think it would have been the worst decision in the world for you to really, really, because the thing about those I don’t really know anything about that particular strain of strain. I don’t know how to explain I don’t know, I don’t even know where to begin. But I do know that inside every single one of those religions, there are the extreme zealots right? And then there are they’re not they’re non practitioner thing. JW as you put it, right there, JW but they’re not practice just like the Jews that don’t go to temple. That’s right. And every single religion has that range in it. So for you to have been a non protected participating, Jehovah Witness, right would have been like that much difference between you and it’s almost zero difference, the only thing you would have been doing is putting on a coat that said, I’m okay to date your daughter. Right? So, although I think if you’re going to take upon yourself a religious belief, right, you should emotionally, spiritually and everything you should get behind it. 100% right. I agree. And for that one reason alone, it was probably the right decision not to do it. But like you said, Who knows? Maybe you would have liked the people. You just don’t know. You don’t know. yet. My problem with that with the whole JW thing is if that was really it, you know, but it turns out that the JW survey Am outreaching group. So she basically went off and did missionary work like six months afterwards. Yeah, that’s true. And you know what? I would not have been a happy missioner no seminary or whatever. That’s a miserable experience no matter what religion you’re with. Yeah. And they all do it. They all do it and she was excited to go do it. It’s like, Okay, well, I think we made the right choice here, because that’s usually up to about the age of 25. Just so the child sorry. I think Mormons and the Jehovah Witness are very much about evangelism right up through their early years, right. You have to do it in order to earn your place in the church. Got it. So once you get it done, you’re done with that? Or can be done. There are no witnesses and the Mormons that are listening to this. Well, you can help me understand. I’m sure we’ll find that. Yeah. There’s no two. There’s no lack of feedback for things like Right, exactly, exactly. Yeah. So oddly enough. If I told the same story to James Hawk, really? You don’t know James, remember that you hung out with him? Yeah. I told him the same story. I told him the same story. You always said to me what he told me and his great wisdom. And his awesome voice. This dude is Chinese. So he’s wise. Yeah, he’s wise. Asian man. He’s an old Asian. He says you should have like, converted in fact. Jamie, Oh, my God. That was the greatest. I mean, that has been the absolute that story a million times. And that is the best follow up. Oh, that’s awesome. Can you imagine how that was probably one of those moments one of those cruxes in a life where your life could would have gotten In a radically different direction, as you will even face joining us, right? If you even fake joint, your life would have gone completely different differently. Yeah, it would have been a very different life. Definitely a main juncture point in the space time continuum, I would say absolutely 100% for sure. She was quite the prize. You still every once in a while you see her on one of the social network. Facebook. I saw I think I saw her on Facebook. At one point she was going to Paris or she’s, yeah, she’s a girl. She was going off somewhere. Was it a bachelor thing? I think it might have been it might have been Yeah, yeah. But she still looks fantastic. I mean, the pictures I saw her she still looks fantastic. I can’t I mean, you just can’t. I mean, there has to be something fucked up about every girl. They’re just asked to be there. has to be a problem. How close is that? Yeah. How close was that to absolute perfection? You’re gonna test she was incredibly on. I can attest and I was there. And I’m so sorry, but I think you made the wrong choice. I think I should have at least explored the option to try that. Yes, I do. Yeah, I probably should. I think you do. I think she was good for you. And I think she would have been even better for you had she not had that enormous shield between you and her. It would have definitely changed things. Yes. And then you know, maybe not massively as much as I stick it but but but I would have definitely been it would have been different for sure. I can think of worse reasons. I’m sure many people have had worse reasons for joining a particular religion. Yeah. Going after some plus. You know, it was a you know what that was actually oddly enough. All right. Am I was I am morning tea, of course, sir. But let’s be honest, there was a lot to that relationship. It was a very spiritual but neither one of us were horndogs back then that’s one of the reason why we liked each other by now is because we had all of that busy chasing art and the romance and all of that kind of stuff was a very important key part of what we were looking for in our relationships with the various women that came and went. Yeah. She was definitely I would definitely call her at least one of the ones that was one of the ones that got away. Yeah. Susan, I’m glad got away. To get away. Yeah, that was a story. You know, I’ve never told that story on pastor see radio kit like four years. I have not told that story. That’s actually a really good story. I wouldn’t actually it is. It is a little bit involved. It’s an involved story, something you can’t tell them 30 minutes. So you have to break that one up. Yeah. So that’s definitely true. Yeah. But what a story. You told the story of the fork stabbing, of course, for stabbing. stabbed in the leg by stabbing, like with a fork. I’m pretty sure that’s what the but I remember hearing I got hit by him. Shall we tell the story? How much time do we get? We got a few minutes I think by so let’s talk about Susan the story that has never hit passenger seat radio. I’ve told many stories. I haven’t told the Jodi story either. Yeah, well, I had to wait till my daughter was of legal age, so that wouldn’t impact her in any way. should tell you the Jodi story. That’s, that’s that one’s more paycheck. Yeah, just if I told you that, if I told you the Jodi story, I remember that. I remember the Jodi story. I don’t remember the details of the Jodi story. Yeah. We’re strokes right. Tell Joe you’re the Susan. I think We should start with a story. All right. So the story goes back in Commodore 64 days, I was 17. Maybe late knows I was 17, fully 70. At the time, I remember there was a Commodore 64 users group. And for those of you who don’t really know what the hell that is, let me explain it. Like one night a month, everybody that loves Commodore 64 computers would get together in a library basement. And it always started off with good intentions. You’re going to demo software you’re going to talk to fellow you know, people like minded if you bet ends up turning into this big software piracy session, but it was really supposed to be there to help outreach new users with help and assistance with learning the Commodore 64 it was them. They didn’t have anything like that now. No, don’t have anything. Right. It’s been replaced. That’s all the internet now. So anyway, I was I wasn’t an official or anything, but I was one of the longest running members. And I was always looking to help people out. I wanted I was sort of an evangelist myself. I wanted to spread the good word of Commodore 64. Right? That sounds like me completely. So we had a new person show up. Her name was Susan Stevenson, which is great because her name is changed. I can use her last name. So I don’t have to throw her under the bus, so to speak. Susan was model quality in terms of beauty. There’s just no way to say it any other way. She was 24 years old. And she looked like a model and she had previously done modeling. Unbelievable. Well, she came to a couple of meetings, and she had asked for help. Now why and nobody else helped her other than me. Couldn’t tell but I volunteered to help her out. So it turns out now she told me that her and her husband had just moved there. And that he really was into the computer thing. But she was he was a construction worker, lowbrow. That’s what I got out of it anyway. And then, you know, he wasn’t really interested in learning anything. And I said, You know, I can come over and show you and your husband how to work this thing and how to get online and connect to our local BBs where you could ask for help. By the way, BBs was the internet before the internet, sometimes you have to use these disclaimers, because fucking kids don’t know what you’re talking about. So just to clarify, a bulletin board would be it’s like a computer that sits in somebody’s house. And you call it it’s got one or maybe two phone lines if you’re lucky. And you would call it login. And you would read messages that people post, maybe download some files. And then you would write your replies to the posts, and then you would log off and then somebody else after you had been trying for an hour, to get on would finally get on Then they would log in and do the same thing. The only source of graphics on these sites were people playing with the characters. To do logos, they would do back slashes and forward slashes and dots and periods and colons and piece it all together. So you get lines of code that would actually produce a logo, right? That’s exactly right. So she said again, that her husband really wasn’t interested in it, but she would be very grateful if I would come over and help. Now listen, folks, I had no designs going on here. None, zero, zilch. I was simply helping somebody out from the user’s group. And it was legitimately like that. So I said, When would you like me to come over in that school there? I was still in school. I was in high school. And she goes, Well, maybe after school on a Thursday or whatever. You know, my husband be working till five or six. So you know, we’ve got the house for ourselves. And I really don’t think that she was Mrs. Robinson. me. I don’t think there was really Anything initially going on between the two of us at all really? I mean, swear to God and God these days, you know, she’d be some sexual predator. But you know, and I’d be the innocent young child that, you know, lost all of his, you know, his innocence to some older woman. Yeah, like that happens. Yeah, I hate those fucking stories on the news. Got the 17 year old didn’t want to do it but she forced him to 17 year old boy, obviously. So anyway, so I went over to the house. And I remember the very first time I went over this is interesting. There was a I went to this house and it was it was fairly close. I mean, something I could ride my bike to. I mean, when he was small anyway, that it had two names on the placard. It had su Stevenson and Larry Meyers. Yeah, that was the guy’s name Larry Meyers. And I said, Well, that’s interesting. Different last names. Well, you know, it’s a feminist thing. You know, women keep Last night, whatever, who cares? So she took me to show me your system. I got her set up and I got her some terminal software. I said, Listen, if I get you hooked up online, you’ll be able to ask me questions on the bulletin board. And you know, I won’t have to come over. And she said something I will you mean, you will still come over if I need help? So yeah, sure, of course, there’s some things you can’t do over the bulletin board. Again, this is totally innocent, I swear. No kidding. So we started typing messages back and forth to each other on the for on the bulletin boards, sort of like forums are now and I went over a few more times. And it was quite obvious that there was some sort of a spark, I don’t even I can’t remember what the spark was. At one point time, all of a sudden the dynamics of the relationship just changed. Then, let’s see. I’m trying to there’s a there’s a piece in the middle that’s always been missing from my mind. There’s a piece Okay, so then She said something to the effect of I’d like this if we weren’t doing anything at this point, she came down and said, I’d like to see what your setup looks like. I mean, I can only imagine you’re this so deep into this computer stuff. I can only imagine what your setup looks like. Maybe that’s one turn the time. So she came down now I looked at my own place. Remember, my parents lived in the other house on the property. Tribes always referred to it as the red house. It ended up being Brown, so it’s confusing. The brown house is the one we talked about being Brown, but then the Red House became a brown house too. And it just went downhill from there. So I had pretty much all the privacy I could want. Well, she came down, and she looked over. She looked over my system and we talked and she noticed that was a huge movie person turned out she was also a movie person. And she goes, you know, I’ve never seen that we watch a movie. Well, it became an interesting relationship. At that point. She started coming down to my place and was waiting there for me after school or she would show up just after I got to school. All right, got home from school. Wow, okay, sorry, I got to recompose myself. It’s been a while. So I’ve told the story. Something just happened there was there was an emotional pitch that happened at some point. I remember there being some music lyrics involved. something out of that was a very, it was very strange as a very heavy thing for me to deal with. And at some point, one of us kissing each other kind of just went from there. Yeah, and it’s it. That’s all it was. It was something it was just a very simple thing. What was really odd is that she was she was really into me. I mean, in a weird, really weird way. It wasn’t like she was living some housewife. young kid fantasy type thing that you might be thinking she seemed to really care. She said acne back then, oddly enough how she’d be attracted to my fucking ugly monster ass fucking nasty. Anyway, she, from her modeling days get this this is crazy retinae is like all the rage now. I mean, you can get it like I don’t even know if you need a prescription anymore to get retinae but it’s an anti aging cream. Well, it turns out it also happens to be a wonder drug for acne. Now, they didn’t find out about this until a lot later. In fact, it wasn’t even allowed in the United States. When I was in the Navy a few a couple, Two, Three years later, they used experimental retinae on rate the people who are going to be future radiation workers. So I knew I mean, it turned out that the ship that she brought down to my house, she said, Listen, I’ve got something I want to give you. And she came down and she brought me this little jar of cream. I said what is she’ll just use this on your app? And I said, Really? Interesting. Yeah, just trust me on this. And I used it. It was like this miracle drug just from trying to uglify me I can I see where she was going. But it turned out later and I remembered that I remembered the cream later on, it turned out that it had been written name. So she had been a model. I think she had access to it, you know, illegally type stuff. So anyway, did the job that I said there was a there was definitely this unbelievable connection between us. And oh, my God, things just got out of hand. They just got out of hand. That’s all I can tell you. They got out of hand. She was there all the time. She did up with a key to my house. So she was litter. I mean, oh my god. You’re a 17 year old horny guy. And there’s a beautiful 24 year old model laying in the bed waiting for you when you got home from school. I just want to paint you that victory. Because everybody’s got to admit they want that. All right. I don’t care. who you are. So Wow, what a deal. And yes, she was my first and she was very helpful. That’s just what it did. She was very instructive. We had it, we had a reasonable sex life. Let’s put it that way. It was a reasonable sex life, but it was not what we did. We didn’t need to have sex. We meet we met to lay down in the bed together and watch TV and listen to music together and talk and all that other shit that the SEC came after that, you know, there was just a reaffirmation. Well, now, you might have forgotten about Oh, Larry Byers. As soon as I started seeing each other more and more, he started to get suspicious. I guess he wasn’t that fucking bad. He started he started showing up. He started showing up at the user group meetings to come and get her after the meeting was over. And there was one time he actually confronted me. I remember cuz it was on the stairs have a lot of the library going down into the room. And he I don’t remember what he said I was scared. shitless this guy was like 35 years old and a construction worker, like a pretzel. I was scared. shitless and he says, What are you doing? What are you doing my wife or something like that? I’m like, nothing. I’m helping her with the computer. Yeah. scared shitless and, and she somehow managed to convince me he had a really bad temper. So she somehow managed to talk him down from that incident. And I said we better it’s helped me a lot more careful. So get this this is the best. This is like the greatest side story to this on the bulletin board. knew the guy that ran the bulletin board that her and I were involved on. Yeah, if you know anything about bulletin boards, the guy that owns the system can look at anything on the system you want. If it’s private email, public, whatever. He has absolute rights to the system. So I knew this, I knew the guy, his name was fic. And I told her, I said, Listen, we need to go a little more covert. So get this. I wrote an encryption software package that would let her type a message in the encryption window. It would encrypt it and then she could paste it into the bulletin board and send me the encrypted message. I’d copy it off of there and put it back into the decrypter and I can get her message. Turns out he had that thing cracked in two fucking seconds. But he never let on. I mean, we were pretty fucking racy in there. I mean, that must have been good times for him. But yeah, he let me know later on. He cracked our little encryption, so Okay, crypto, you know cryptology was never my thing, right? So anyway, no, get this. This is fucked up. She wanted me to come over. She wanted to try to alleviate his suspicions suspicious. Turns out he had like a 15 year old daughter. Are you ready for this fucking weird ass twist? Oh my god. She thought, quote, I would be perfect for her. So she said, here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna come over for dinner and meet his daughter. And we’re going to throw him off the scent by pretending that you’re interested in her. But no, was the daughter in on this? No, no daughter knew nothing. Oh my god. So, oh my god. Listen, I want to paint you a picture. I’m sitting at a dinner table. With a woman I’m having sex with her husband and his kid. He’s looking at me here. That was your age. She was two years younger than me, right? Maybe it was only a year younger, but she was younger than me. And he wanted to fucking erase me off the planet. I mean, I could tell him that he wasn’t buying shit. I did the best I could. All right. He wasn’t going for it. So one day, post coitus, of course. I said to her, I said, you know, if you weren’t married and asked me to move in with you. And she rolled over And she she enrolled over that was a nice, she turned to me and said, I’m sorry, that was that was just that wasn’t even that’s not even right. Let me just got back from the record. She looked at me and she said, If I wasn’t Get married once you asked me to move in with him. I said that think that’s sort of what I just said. And then it hit me. different names, didn’t wear a wedding ring. I looked at her and said you’re not married, alright? And she said, No. All the sudden the relationship changed completely. The problem is, is we had fucking Andre the fucking giant that wanted to take my throat and tear it open. But he still didn’t have confirmation. He still didn’t know. He suspected. She never admitted to it. Yeah, okay, so then it became something tough. What do we do from here? I said, Okay, you need to leave it before he finds out and he fucking hurts you. I’ve seen his temper, and he’s gonna hurt you. And she says No, she’s just I need to move out. I can’t move here. Right? This is not the right way to go. I’m gonna move into a studio. We can continue to see each other. But I need to I need to close that chapter. Before we move forward. I was kind of crushed because I was already signed off on the idea. But you know, she was wiser than me. Just 24 after and I said, Okay, zombies still see each other. You know, I became incredibly jealous of this guy, obviously. And just really bizarre because she was living with him and I was fucking his woman. But I was the jealous one. Somebody not writes about this. So anyway, so she moves out. Now he is fucking livid. I can’t he still doesn’t know shit. She said she moved out because of his temper. She was afraid of him as they needed some time apart. So she moved in to the studio. Unfortunately, he also no knew where she moved to. It’s when he Okay, listen, you can’t hide in Wenatchee. All you have to do is drive for about 30 minutes and you know where everybody lives. All right. So it’s a small town. Yes. So anyway, um, so about a week went by fish. And she said, Okay, why don’t you come over? I mean, I need to see you. I mean, I miss you, blah, blah blah, right? I mean, I think we were in love with each other. I really do. I mean, but then when I was 17 What the fuck did I know? Straight away the moment there. So she she says I want her to come down. So I came down and again I always did it right after school when I knew he was still working. One night she said you need to stay there. You know, I want you to spend the night here. I want you to stay with me. I don’t want you to leave. You know I’m tired of missing you. I want you to hear or should be with me tonight. And I knew Fuck man. Have you ever had the future so plainly painted in front of you? You knew exactly what was gonna happen and your fucking told you and talked you out of it? Because that’s exactly what happened. I listened I knew. I knew this asshole knew where she lived. I knew this asshole is driving by your house. Fuck. I stayed the night you weren’t smart enough to park three blocks away. I was not smart enough to part three blocks away. I was fucking 17 seems like most 17 year olds. Five o’clock in the morning. There’s a pounding on the door. I mean, a fucking pounding on the door. He’s on the other side of set door. Screaming her name. Okay, now when I was 17, five, five o’clock might have been might as well been two o’clock in the morning. I was not fully functional at five o’clock. Not to mention I fucked my brains out the night before so I was pretty much drained much like the chick from fucking lifeforce energy drain somebody, desiccated Boss, I wasn’t that virile 17 or not. I was fucking tired. five, eight, I was barely conscious. I remember I remember rolling out of bed and throwing a shirt on I don’t know what I was thinking like that made a big fucking deal. It’s like for some reason my mind said put clothes on so he doesn’t think you’re fucking as well. And it never occurred to you to jump out the balcony. There was no way out there was no way out. We were fucked. It was a little tiny one fucking door studio. I was fucked. This is where my years of martial arts training should have saved me. Keyword being should have should have. So I roll out of bed I try to put some clothes on and again, I don’t know why other than some weird fact that maybe we could bullshit our way out of this. Yeah, right yeah. So I rolled into the chair and I’m just fucking foggy as hell and I keep remaining I keep remembering saying to her don’t open the door don’t open the door. Tell him to go Wait Don’t open the door don’t open the door don’t open the door. She’ll she thought she could talk him down and this guy was pure rage. There was no sensibilities there was it was pure rage. This guy picked me up like a fucking rag doll and slammed me against the wall. screaming at her something about that, aren’t you remember? Dude, this is all fucking blurred. You’re saying something about Is this what you fucking want or god dude, I don’t fucking remember. I used to be big slammed against the fucking wall. inside of your own cell. my happy place my happy place. Now this is the part where I want to reiterate that being a fucking third degree green belt and tank pseudo does not make you invincible. I didn’t get a single fucking head and so he picks me up and he throws me against another wall. This is what I remember. I imagine there’s several blackouts. You didn’t hit him back, it would have ended worse. Yeah. Wow. Okay, so then he grabbed me by the shirt, and punched me in the face. Now, I can honestly tell you right now, I’ve never been punched in the face before. Nor have I been punched in the face sense. I can assure you it was an unpleasant experience. This guy was like racket fucking round with his big giant fucking paws. I remember falling to the ground after he hit me and he picked me up. ready to go again? And she screamed at him that she was going to call the cops. That’s when he dropped me and started walking up and I was walking towards her. I swear to God, I thought it was gonna hit her. Yeah, had he hit her things might have changed? Probably not. I probably would have been a fucking windy as fuck on the ground but you would have tried to try and listen, there’s there’s such a thing called insurmountable odds. And I don’t anything it just would have made it worse. Okay. I just sat there and took my beating partially because I felt I deserved it. Yeah. Which is weird as fuck to say but no, there’s there’s 100,000 guys out there in that same situation that didn’t fight back because they felt they deserved it. Because I felt I deserved it. So he he turns towards her and says This isn’t over. He looks back at me as he’s walking back to his truck is we’re gonna fucking finish this and gotten this truck. drove off Did you piss yourself at that point? Or earlier? I think the most of my bladder was empty by that point. Yeah. So I want to talk to you about what it’s like to live in fear it was a good two weeks now first of all, I ran home to my mommy. Which is what 17 year old boys do when they get the shit beat out of them by 35 year old WreckIt Ralph and struggling when she first of all, she was in tears. Susan was in tears. She was crying. She’s like I’m so sorry. I didn’t think this would happen for she didn’t think was gonna happen. That’s why he opened the door. Yeah. I understand what makes Mr. Ham is over the fucking door. So she and I’m like I said, I should go I gotta go. I gotta go. You know, I was like, fucking I was bleeding and shit. So I just got to go. So I went home. And I explained to my parent, my parents knew what was going on. Oddly enough. I did not hide what was going on from my Parents, I told my parents about to I put my mom not my dad. I told my mom about two days. Because they saw Susan coming and going, they knew something was about but you know what, my parents were cool. They stayed the fuck out of it, which was Thank you. Let me handle it myself. But two days before I slept with her for the first time, I went to my mom and I said, I think something’s gonna happen. I think I think I’m, you know, this is going to happen. I said, What do I do? I mean, do I let this happening? What do you think about that? And she goes, you know, what? What did my mom say? Exactly? She said something like, well, something to the effect. If you love her, then it’s okay. or protect yourself. Maybe all of the above? Probably, probably all of the above. But she was cool. She tried to dissuade me or anything. She said, you know, just be careful. That’s what she said. Yeah, that was the final parting word. Just be careful. I said okay, so I guess that was like, You don’t want me fucking in your house. Great. Thanks, Mom. So anyway, so I want you to I want you to understand what it’s like to live in fear. For two weeks, this guy called my house telling me we’re gonna finish it, but he was gonna finish me. He started stocking me at work. You would park in his truck outside in the parking lot awaiting me to get off of work. I slept with a baseball bat next to my bed. And I was paying all I could hear was that pounding on the door of his big fucking WreckIt Ralph fans. And anytime, anytime any noise happened from that point for for the next two weeks. I was reaching for the bat. I was literally reaching for a bat. Now I want to let you know, anytime somebody pounded on my door for any reason for the next like couple of days. Yours I reached for an invisible bath. That’s not a joke. That’s not a comedy for the show. Yeah, so. So anyway, so does this come to a head What happened? Susan calls and says we need to talk. Now. I hadn’t been back there since the incident. I’m not stupid. Okay, I was stupid, but I’m not that stupid. I went back and I knew what was going to happen. Again, the future and the painting was all a friend of my face. I go to her house, her studio rather. And she informs me that she’s going to go back to it. She’s going to go back to Larry. Because she wanted to protect shows. I can’t protect you. This is the only thing I can do to protect you. He won’t. He’s going to fucking kill you. Just this is all I can do for you. And she goes, I’m sorry, I wish she could be some other way. But this is the only thing I can do. And there was a lot of crying between the two of us it was very unpleasant actually. Now I think about it. She started telling me asking me if there’s anything that she had, because she had a better computer system than I did pitch. Is there anything he gave me she was trying to somehow sedate me. And it was it was an ugly, horrible thing. And I said, You know, I don’t know what the fuck I said to be honest with you. It’s pretty emotional. And she left. They moved away. Never saw the guy and emotional rollercoaster for being 17. The adventure story start over about a year later. I don’t want to sound corny and funny cliche, but bear with me. They do pass around the street. But a year later, I had a feeling that she was nearby. Okay, this is fucked up. And this is true. It’s this shit does exist. I don’t care how many fucking Harlequin books you read the ship’s rail. I felt that she was near. didn’t call nothing. We had a mutual friend who had been part of the commerce, he actually sold hardware and software. I called him and I said, What’s his name? I wasn’t thinking of some other guy. I said, Susan in town. He’s like, Why do you ask and I said, Don’t be an asshole to Susan. And he’s like, yeah, she’s here. She’s here to pick up some of her stuff. She left with me when they left I said you know where she’s at, you know where she is. I need to I need closure on something. And he’s like, No, I have no idea where she’s at. She came and got her stuff in life. And so I just got in my car and I drove. I already said Wenatchee is not a big place. But if you’re driving around trying to look for somebody that you don’t have any idea what they’re driving or what they look like or what they’ve been up to for the last year. I drove and I know this is Goofy, but I let my heart lead me around when he I drove right up on her. She was walking the street wasn’t in the vehicle she was walking. She looked like death. She looked like she basically look like a holocaust shower. And tree person. Very thin are faced with Boni she looked haggard. And I rolled up next door and I opened up and I rolled down the window. And I said, Can I give you a lift? And she looked at me and she smiled at me and she said, I don’t think it’s a good idea. And I nodded. And I said, I understand you’re trying to protect me. I said, if you’re worried if I somehow held some resentment or whatever, I don’t, I said, You know, I understand why you did what you did. I’m thankful for what you’ve done. And she smiled. She seemed pleased. And I rolled up the window and drove off. never saw her again. But the story’s not still quite over. I get a phone call from her about five years later. Somehow she tracked me down. You name not Meyers not Stevenson anymore new name. So she must have gotten married. She says, I have to make sure you’re okay. I had to make sure you were okay. I said, Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. How are you? Thank you. All right. Susan, I like Susan. And I said, Oh, yeah. So how are you? And she tells me that she’s working as an editor for children’s books or something weird. She And I’m like, oh, and she said that she’s married. She like three fucking kids. something crazy. I do What have you been doing for the last five years, you know? Then I found out she’d gotten Mormon. And she was Birkin out those children like nobody’s business. And she said, she said, I didn’t know what happened to you. She said, I want to make sure that some goofy shit like God’s showering you with His blessings or something like that. At that point, time, I realized that she fucking snapped somewhere in the last five years and she was no more the same Susan that I knew then. You know, the woman next door. Jodi the other story? Yeah. But yeah, so it was like, all the sudden everything was good. It’s like, Okay, you’ve got a little Looney Tunes. You wanted to check up on me? We’re all good. Yeah, I got married. Got a kid. We’re good. Right? So we’ll see you later. Take care, take care now. Have a good time. And that was actually the very last time. I’ve never run across her on social media. Never seen her again, never heard from her again. Oddly enough, my new wife in the early years of our marriage, was living in fear about Susan. She always had a fear that Susan was going to show up on our doorstep and somehow want me back and that I would somehow go with her. And I said, You do realize she’s fucking Looney Tunes fan right? shows you think that’s something I would want? Shabbat she was your first and you would love her so much and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s like, Okay, let me reiterate this. But I told her about Janae and how I didn’t convert for her. And I said, I’m gonna be honest with you. If there was anybody to convert for, that would have been the one. So there’s no way I’m going to go in But you have nothing to worry about. Let’s put it that way. On another side Susan story notes. My ex wife was so scared of Susan. She made me burn every single thing of Susan’s that I had in front of her to make sure that I got it all. That’s fucked up. That’s messed up. I had one picture of Susan that was it. We never took any pictures together. We never we never made we made sure there was nothing ever really on the record. So that was the only thing I ever had hers. That’s not true. I had her toe ring. But I think I lost that. Somewhere in the shuffle. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that. She walked barefoot in everywhere and she had this toe ring. I’m not gonna say it wasn’t sexy. Okay, I’m just saying. I don’t know how she walked barefoot everywhere. But she did something kind of kinky about that. So yeah, so that was a that was it. That was the end of the Susan’s story. So quite the saga Oh my god. Think of that. You’ve heard that story before though. I’ve heard I’ve heard that story before. I remember being around as the story was unfolding Yes. You were around when the story was unfolding Yes. She was hot as hell right? I want someone to know that at one point in time I was fucking The only one Oh, I got another story. I just remembered one shit. I’m so full of good stories. I don’t talk much about the women in my life on this show somebody because of my wife ever listened to the shows. She might feel somehow threatened but she shouldn’t obviously. Stephanie Landis there’s a great story. Stephanie was friends with my debate partner and Have a school. Remember Tory? I made recollections of these names? Yeah, yes. Tory and I were inseparable for about a year. He and I were debate partners, not just in debate class but in debate club. And he and I used to go to all the big debate events, we would do our killer cross examination debate. They were pretty good. We used to sit for hours and gather evidence together in the library and build our little portfolios. Cross exam debate kicks ass, but anyway, so Tori knew this growling Stephanie. I think Stephanie went to another school because I don’t remember her being in our school. I want to say she went to Kashmir. Anyway, she was an A, she wasn’t super hot, but she was. She was cute. And she was intelligent, which of course is sexy as hell. And she was also doing debate. Maybe it wasn’t my school. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter for the story. Her and I started hanging out Tori got dragged into something that he could spend as much time we couldn’t hang out. I don’t know what you were doing. You were a cashmere I guess, was going on there. You were off doing Troy’s shit. Yeah. And so Stephanie, this is weird. Everybody started looking over to my house to watch movies and hang out, listen to music and the next thing you know, I’m having sex with him. Or not having sex with Bill Clinton. I just sneak up on you. Next thing you know you’re in bed. So Stephanie comes over. And she comes over a couple of times, right? And she came over to Tori a couple of times. I know Tori and Troy. You’re gonna have trouble keeping track of this later on. She comes over and then all of a sudden she calls me and says Hey, can I come over? I said a story coming with you said now Tory’s busy yet? Yeah, come on over. She doesn’t watch movies. Okay. She comes over. And she fucking attacks me. And I’m not fucking kidding. She attacks me Now listen, I was a willing participant. All right. I know attack seems to imply that she was attacking me and I was resisting. Bottom of the truth was I was not very experienced. This was before Susan. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I was 16 the year before Susan, I guess. Literally she attacks me. I mean, we are I mean, it is insane. She’s like a fucking wielder beast. And, dude, listen, Troy says it is so told. Sorry. I was on a fucking pussy back then. All right. I didn’t know what to do. I’m gonna be honest. I was a little scared. So I’m doing my best. I know how to make out. I’ve been doing that for a while. I’ve got decent skills. I started doing some probably some odd Feeling up but again, you know, you’re trying. I was I was trying to reciprocate. I was doing my best but I was still scared. So I’d never been attacked like this. It was creepy. Looking hormones go everywhere. All of a sudden she hops off of me. Like I mean like a spring. I saw that and she’s on there putting her shoes on and grabbing her coat and going. I’m sorry, did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought it was okay. I thought it was being you know, gentlemanly. I mean, I kept my hands over the clothes. And she goes, I’m sorry. You’re just too slow for me. You believe that? My mouth hanging open. Slow for you wouldn’t move it forward. button the front of the right Should a piece fucker something I don’t know that’s what she was looking for. I was like, Oh my god, what the fuck did I do wrong? Now you’re not fast enough for me that’s the problem you’re 16 you’re not experienced you’re not once you took it taken someone’s shirt off Run button the front of their pants once get you’re good the second time is a hell of a lot. know when it’s supposed to, like breaking Trump in spades. Once Trump’s been broken, you can play it all day long. There you go. Dude, I know the fuck I was doing. Oh my god. That’s funny. Horrible. Now here’s the best part. I got to get rid of a woman because she wasn’t moving fast enough for me. Now that’s fucked up because you just heard the story. There was a girl named Julie and I can’t remember her last name. Very sweet girl. Very sweet girl. That’s all I can tell you. She was very sweet. very inexperienced. Ellison by the time are 15 or 16, you should have a pretty good idea how to make out. It’s pretty much built into your genes as a horn team. You know, okay, so you don’t know what to do with the tongue yet, but you’re working it out. You could at least kiss right? Yeah. Julie was very nice. She was like, she was a very nice girl. She wasn’t the brightest bulb in the pack. And I don’t know what I was thinking we dated for a couple of weeks. And she could not kiss the safer fucking life and that ruined it. I mean, okay, everyone, take everyone’s listing, take your hand and put it in front of your face. Don’t purse, your lips or anything. Just put your hand against your face. And pull it away. bouncer kissing, have you ever kissed your mom? You kiss your mom. Give me one of those. Yeah. Oh my god. She was very nice. And I wasn’t looking to have sex with her but God Damn dude. Release makeout I need this I need the masturbatory fantasy. At least something. Yeah, that was that was very sad. So I eventually told her you know, I I let her down easy. I was a good guy. I’m like the bitches that broke my heart. And so there you go. I remember this one girl that I was making out with around the same time that you were talking about all this stuff is reminded about horrible kisses. I don’t I’ve never been accused of being a horrible kisser, but I have had my experiences with horrible cancers. But this one girl and I remember we went over to her house. I don’t think I don’t know that you were there. But we were jumping on a trampoline in her backyard. Maybe you would remember a trampoline. If you were there. It’s a this is weird. It’s the trampoline things ringing a bell because trampolines weren’t big in Wenatchee. You may have been there I’m not I don’t remember. Okay, keep going. I’ll fill it in. She wasn’t skinny. She wasn’t heavy. But she had no clue how to kiss. We were sort of kind of romantically getting interested in each other. What was her name? I don’t remember. Maybe that was you know, this is one of those like, over the course of one day experiences that wasn’t didn’t even didn’t even last more than a day. But kissing her, you know, looking back I think she was trying to make her mouth into the shape of, of a vagina. There Let me kiss her. Creepy and it was just a really weird sort of what are you doing with your mouth? Move? Why are you making that shape? And this subtle little movements here there but I swear to God, she was like, What are you trying to do? Just the weirdest kiss either experienced in my life. nothing had ever been weirder since then. Actually, she’s probably one or two the weird kissers and everyone else I’ve ever ever kissed. had had an inkling and how to do Yeah, yeah, I mean, there was always a little bit of odd, you know, awkwardness involved in the early days, but I guess you’ve probably I don’t know, we were probably 1617 in that age group, she just had no clue. And she acted like she did. I just think right now 15 and 16 year olds are blowing each other in the bathrooms. Now they were sorry they weren’t doing that in my eyes. No, no they weren’t doing that in high school but they were giving each other but they were doing the blowjob thing just not in the high school Yeah, they were they do it actually in the bathroom stalls now that’s not bought brazenly. Yeah. crazy stories. Insane. Yeah, interesting life. It’s fun to think back. Sometimes pounding on the doors things still freaks me out a little bit. Yeah. people’s stories. I guess I could talk about the next door neighbor. That’s something I kept off the show. Just because, you know, my ex wife and I had a kid Together, you know, I’ve talked about her saying it before. So as long as she was still a kid, and that gave my ex wife leverage over me, I couldn’t really talk about this topic. Because that’s the last thing you want to do is give your ex any court, any sort of leverage of any kind against you or anything. So I’m not even sure how this ended up happening. All I can tell you is is that from an emotional standpoint, my marriage had already been over. It was pretty much going through the motions at that point. And those of you who’ve ever been through that sort of a divorce know what I’m talking about, or anybody who’s been married. That’s right. There was a point where he knew it was over there was just a matter of when the plug was pulled. So before I get nasty letters from women saying I just want to let you know that was pretty much over part of it. Part of Why I didn’t get out like a real man should have a real man say, listen, here’s the deal. And I’ve told this to a million people. You’ve got to get out and be the man you got to, you’ve got to know when it’s over and then get the fuck out and don’t push it around and sit around and wait for things to get better. When you know that they’re not going to, you know, don’t do it for your kids. Don’t do it because you’ve got a mortgage payment you’re sharing. I don’t give a fuck what it is. Get the fuck out. Just pull the plug and be be man enough to do that. Because I was not. I was ready to pull the plug. But I wasn’t quite there. yet. In my defense, I knew I was getting out of the military within the year, okay. I did not really want an ugly divorce happening just as we were trying to get moved back to Washington. That’s where all her family was. my thought process was. Let’s get back to Washington. Because if we get divorced, she’s stuck inside. in Charleston, she doesn’t know anybody there. So I thought, listen, I’m gonna ride this thing out. I’ll be a good boy. And listen, I’ve already not cheated two or three times you’ve heard my story. I’ve already like guilt stopped me from having the best sex of my life comes from good guilt. So, so I, you know, I said, Listen, I know it’s over. It’s all done except for on paper. I’m going to get her back to Washington so she can have the support of her family, and I’m going to pull the plug. Yeah, well, then I met the neighbor. Jody, it was a force of nature. Wow. Okay, so I don’t even know how this started. I’ll be honest with you. We were like couples friends, sort of couples acquaintances. I guess. Her husband was also in the Navy. We weren’t anywhere near each other. We lived in the same. You know, it wasn’t. It wasn’t Navy housing. But it was like only sailors lived in this fucking housing unit. Basically. They were condos. They were like little condos. Well, Jody and her husband live next door, and I lived and I live right to the average to the left. It doesn’t really matter. It kind of matters for later on the story. But anyway, so the wife went, had to do something she left for a couple of days, for some reason. Jodi came over to borrow a cup of sugar some goofy fucking thing like that. I don’t even know how I don’t remember how it happened. That’s how fucked up my memory is about it. Something happened and we got involved I mean Oh my god, this is scary shit. This is like your Jodi’s fucking crazy. So, essentially, it got down to this. I’m gonna come clean. I don’t remember exactly how it started. But before it was over, my breast friend, the god father of my child, JOHN, that’s actually his name. And it sounds anonymous enough. john was my wingman. He would tell my wife that he and I were going to go play games at his house, he and I were going to go to the movies, bla bla bla bla bla, he would let me in his car drove me around the block and I would sneak back through the woods to her house, her husband was on night shift or whatever. And we would fuck like rabid monkeys. And then I would come home and go to bed. There were also times when I may have recommended my wife have a muscle relaxer or two. So you drug your wife? No, no, she took the drugs. Okay. I didn’t. She said she was having trouble sleeping. I said why don’t you try these muscle relaxants, take to the pack of say take 1122 I erred on the side So she’s out for the count. I snuck out of the fucking house, snuck around the back door went in and fuck like wild rabbits that she wanted to get caught. She was one of those women. She liked the danger of it. I however, do not. I am not the danger seeker. I don’t want to come within inches of getting caught doing anything wrong. She now here’s the best part. Everybody knew what was going on except my ex wife. Oh, my god that my friend john knew she knew I knew. And when we were all we there was a point when we were all sitting in a room. Jodi had come over. john was there. And my wife and I were there. And I had a computer model Under for rendering added to dynamiq to Amiga monitors one for rendering images to, and one that I could work off of. So when I was ray tracing or something, I had one extra stream for my Video Toaster step, right. I could write on that from the computer. My wife had her back to the computer station watching TV, while john and Jodi were sitting right across from the monitor. I used to write them little messages, because they were both in obviously, yeah. And I remember this is I swear to God, this is true. There was a divorce attorney commercial on TV at that very time. And they said, if your spouse cheats on you get the maximum. You know what, some fucking crazy thing like that. My ex wife Karen got up from her chair and said, if my man ever cheats on me, I’m gonna fuck him up. And they were both right there. JOHN and Jodi’s eyes got all big and wide. And I wrote up on the monitor haha. So there were many instances where there was scenarios much like that. Jodi Karen were kind of friends. So we would go out. We one time went downtown downtown Charleston. Christina, my wife had ever seen you in the stroller. And Jodi had her kid in the stroller and we were walking along. Her husband was working as always, he was a nuke or something. So he was always busy. So we were all downtown. Jodi loved the game. So at one point time, somehow, my wife took my wife wanted to go to the bathroom. So we wrote the elevator up together. Jody and she likes her tearing my clothes off the bangmi in the elevator knowing Full well, by the time we got to the top that my wife would be sitting right there in front of the fucking elevator doors. Or could be. I went over one time, and she wanted to chain me to the living room table. And I said, there’s no fucking way I’m going to be chained to the table. She’s not gonna be fun. I don’t trust you. Okay, listen, I have a bad way that this can play out. You’ll leave me chained here naked and covered and stuff and your husband will come home. And she’s like, I wouldn’t do that. And it’s like, you would wait until he pulled the car up. And you would click the lock and then I would have to haul my ass out the back door. Make it into the into the backyard, covered in filth. I said it’s not gonna happen. She wanted me to have when she wanted to have sex when her kids were still awakened upstairs. It’s like, you know what this is? Wait, this is fucking I’m not cut out for that shit. I mean, it was, it was exactly what it sounds like it was just a weird fucked up booty call. But holy shit so wrong was so fucking crazy. She would tell her husband she was gonna fuck me as soon as he left for work. Literally she would sit there he’s getting his fucking uniform on to go to work and she’s like, I don’t even have Shane over. I’m gonna fuck him and he’s like, it’s funny. And I’m like, do you want to get caught? Is that what your goal here is? You’re telling me you’re crazy. We will have no more of this. There still was more, a lot more. That was just gonna say you survived the last year here. That’s how I survived the last year my marriage is pretty much also living in mortal fear that I’d be caught What a crazy woman All that stuff. I can’t believe you aren’t a fear junkie by now. I know what I’ve done. I’ve done enough. I don’t want any more than I’ve done. Oh my god, fuck, man. That’s crazy. Oh my god, she just was psycho. So anytime you wonder if those really psychopathic chicks like Jodi arias or something would be really fun to fuck, you know, even because they’re so crazy. Now. I can only imagine if it’s worse than what Jodi was. What the fuck is up with that? Jody, Jody and Jody. Over the course of the evening, we’ve told three stories about Jodi’s and they’ve all been Oh my God, that’s really weird. Now, the recurring name, so if your name happens to be Jody, you’re watching and you’re listening to this after the tapes done, rolling I mean, I stopped the tape. Let me remind me. I’ll tell you a story about another journey. Okay. All right. Well, we’re almost home. Well, listen, I hope you’ve enjoyed the laughter the thrills, the chills the spills. Like creeping out the Yeah, hope you enjoyed the ride. Hope you enjoyed the show’s frozen good sport. Oh, yeah, Troy told you everything you need to know about real estate. So once you plug your website, put my website, website, like a website for Seattle area, but of course it has all the same stuff that we talked about earlier on it. But yeah, if you wanted to go check out the website. It’s got some of that stuff we talked about on it. In Washington, dude. Yeah, there you go. There’s and there’s information on that, on that subject that we talked about. That’s at the www dot three max Asch PR o p.com. REMAX prop.com Thank you so much. All right guys. Well listen this is Shane R. Monroe Petrucci radio. Hope you enjoyed the show. We will see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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